2014-03-25 - 10:33 a.m.
What am I now? What have I become?
Time flies, my readers. Indeed, it does. I�ve been having quite a quick, rather drastic transformation.
That�s how I�ve seen my life lately: full of transformations. Well, what am I now?
I�m a full-time translator by day, a freelance writer by night. I�m a part-time English teacher by Saturday, and a freelance writer by the weekend. Does this sound overwhelming to you?
In other words, I�m officially the wordplay warrior. Hehe, sounds tough and quite academic, eh?
I don�t know. I�m not sure. All I know is that I can only do my best. I�m only human. I still have my weaknesses and shortcomings. I know I sound bitter and sad now, but I�m not trying to excuse myself. I�m not trying to justify whatever action I have done, just did, or still do.
I�m so exhausted now.
A lot of people say it�s normal. You�re starting over, learning something new from scratch. It takes a lot of getting used to. It�s not easy. There are still last-minute surprises you can�t always handle. That is life. Take it or leave it, whether you like it or not. It�s not always about you and how you feel, so you might as well just suck it up.
Should you feel sorry? No. No regrets. You should stick to your decisions and be responsible. Once again, nobody�s perfect. One can only try their best.
I miss Tony B. I miss D. as well. That�s alright, though. I can still see them every Saturday or whenever they feel like hanging out with me after I finish work. No problem.
I know I�m going to be busier than usual for this year, though. That�s to be expected. That�s alright. I need this.
Why?
I need to get away from my own grief. Old habits die hard. Everytime reality breaks my heart, I drown myself in work. I become a workaholic like I am now once again.
In other words, I don�t want to leave any vacant space within for my heartbreak. I�m scared of it. I�d rather be more productive than just wallow in misery.
I�m also working on my novel now. No joke; this time it�s for real. I realise that I�ve wasted my time stalling already. It�s been too long. I�ve got to start doing something and not just talking.
Niko�s right. Who�s he? He�s a new friend I�ve made back at the writing camp I attended last year in October. He�s a filmmaker for local TV horror flicks mostly. (He�s gifted and also �gifted� � if you know what I mean.)
His best friend Dhika is also nice. He�s a quiet, sweet-looking guy with glasses. Dhika is also a book editor and a co-scriptwriter.
And they both want to help me shape my novel-writing skill and publish it when it�s fully done. Why? It�s simply because they believe in me. They think I can do it.
And I will.
Like I�ve told all my friends, I just need to focus on my own happiness for now. If love ever wants to be a part of my life, it better be worth it � or just forget it. I am done with heartbreak. I don�t think I can take it anymore!
R.
