2012-07-28 - 17:00 p.m.
These days, I have to be more aware of my surroundings. I have to be extra careful and cautious as well. Stay nice and friendly, but trust a few. Keep my eyes and ears open. Be observant, yet skeptical.
I should learn not to trust all people all too easily. I've let down my guard.*blushes* I know that can still happen sometimes, even if you're already careful enough. That doesn't certainly make you stupid. We can always claim that we know people.
In the end, we can never really tell. No.
I guess it's always been true about those famous phrases: "Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer." As difficult as it is to accept, 'frenemies' do exist. Toxic friends who seem sweet at first, then stab you in the back. They can talk bad about other people to you so you end up hating them for no reasons, while - guess what - they also do the same to those people while talking bad about you.
Yes, I'm still talking about the same girl. That girl I used to know.
That girl I thought I knew so well.:(
I was checking on my FB a couple of days ago when suddenly Nany - one of my old colleagues - popped into the chatroom. We ended up chatting that afternoon.
A little background profile about Nany:
Long before I entered this 'circle of friends', Nany was still one of them. They got along well until Nany broke up with some guy who happened to be G's old friend.
Then things started turning crazy. First, G learned that Nany had used Photoshop to crop the group's picture, so there was only Nany and...T. And she published it online!:O
Feeling somewhat freaked out, thinking she might have turned into an obsessed stalker / psychopath on him, T kept a reasonable distance from her. (Understandable how creepy that sounds, even if he were straight.:|) He even removed her from FB, because he no longer felt safe having her around in his life. He's a private person. I can understand that he was upset about that picture.
Second, G kept filling all of us in about how horrid Nany really was that. For a long time, T and I had both fallen for it. (Well, even if some of her stories about Nany had been true, as long as she'd never bothered T that much - we should never have been that harsh and judgemental with her. Whatever she does with her life, that's strictly her business.)
Then there was this confusion and drama at their workplace, where G had a heated argument with her boss and ended up resigning. Of course, it was typical of her to have to spread the word out. (This is the part where I started questioning her motives even more, although I still didn't say anything back then.) It was before she fled to Europe for...umm, less than six months. The funny thing was, she said she'd wanted to take her master's degree.
In the end, her parents went to the company to claim her last salary. She's already in her early thirties, only a couple of years older than me. I'm not joking.
Alright, first of all, I'm not the nosy type. It's up to people if they want to do all that. However, I can't help feeling a bit...cheated. Lied to. I mean, a lot of things just started not to add up here.
If she'd gone to Europe just for a long stroll, why hadn't she just said so? A master's degree for three months?:P Was she kidding us? She didn't have to lie to our faces. Did she think we were really that stupid?
Most importantly, has she really thought of any of us as her friends? Friends shouldn't lie to each other like that and get away with it. We're talking about credibility here!
*deep sigh*
I know I'm not making this up. This is not just my sick, twisted imagination playing mean tricks on me. I know that now, because I'm not the only one feeling this. I've heard stories about her too. People have mentioned things.
From her pictures posted online and stories about her trip to Europe, I suspected a hidden agenda.
I know how she often feels insecure about 'the pretty girls'. (She often refers that to other women, or - more specifically - T's other lady-friends. Yes, including me. In her eyes, we've never really been her friends - but more like, rivals.:| She's been treating us as her competitors, but she hid it well by pointing fingers at them, directing my attention elsewhere.)
I remember her telling me that she'd show 'those pretty girls' what she could do - and what she really was capable of.
So yes, she was doing all that just to brag, to show off. She even constantly talked about the guys there, who had seemed interested in her and how she'd let things flow before making a decision.*rolls eyes*
However, it turned out that they disappointed her in the end. One was interested in another girl, the other just gave her a cold brush-off after being so nice with her. (Still, wtf?!) Honestly, I actually felt sorry for her at that time. I know how much it hurts after you've expected so much of someone. Been there, done that.
And I know how some of my own people still treat divorced women. (Sadly, even if the husband is abusive and a cheater.*rolls eyes*) They make her feel like a failure. Plus, she told me how she often felt lonely as hell sometimes, and like nobody wanted to understand her.
Still, I don't find what she did excusable. I'm sorry. She can't keep playing the victim and demanding that people understand her without her telling them to and then just let her be. No way! People have choices. Just because you've been a victim of anything doesn't give you the rights to hurt other people as well. I mean, for God's sake - you're not an animal! There's this thing called self-responsibility.
I've witnessed her two fights with T. Even Dewi agreed that she was just being too much a lot of times. The creepy thing was, her lack of decisiveness. Once she agreed with T that M was a jerk, the next she took M's side. Once she bitched about Nany, then she asked me not to be harsh on her.
How could I trust her when she kept changing her mind about people that way? I'm talking about extreme, rapid changes - from hot to cold and vice versa.
Ah, speaking of Nany - what she'd told me that day was really shocking.
At first, she asked me what had gone wrong between G and I, G and T. Still not wanting to trust her that much, I tried dodging her question by reminding her that it's still Ramadan. (No bad-mouthing people during fasting month, even if it's true.)
"I wonder if what she's been telling me about you is true. That's why I'm curious."
Why? I'd wanted to ask her. I know I should have. "What's she been saying about me?"
"Sssh, we're fasting now!"
"Okay, fair enough."
Then Nany confessed that G had been bitching about T and me way too often that she'd gotten so sick of listening. She even told me that she didn't care about other people's problems - not even T's or mine. She'd already had her own to deal with, thank you very much.
"So that part G said about you hating me wasn't true?"
"Oh, my God! Did she actually say that? How funny. We even rarely talk, Bee, so how could it be?"
Okay. I was trying my best to suppress my anger. Again, it's still Ramadan. It wasn't that easy, though.
In the end, we traded more info about...that girl. I even asked Nany's permission to let T know the truth. Besides, she deserved justice - and we both owed her an apology for having misunderstood her, thanks to that girl.*rolls eyes*
To my surprise, Nany took that lightly.
"Look, I'm okay. I don't think about that anymore. Not at all. No hard feelings, really. I've known her since 1997, so I know how she is. Now you do too. Next time, we won't buy everything she says all too easily."
*blushes* Damn...:(
"But if you want to tell him, please do. As far as I'm concerned, I've never had any negative feelings towards you and him. I'm fine, really."
"I'm doing this for him, because he's also been mislead about you."
"Suit yourself."
"Thank you."
"No problem."
Alright, now the truth has come out. What goes around comes around? Indeed.*big evil grin* Time will tell? It has.*sneers*
This Ramadan is certainly full of revelations. I think now I know where we all stand here.
Where do we go from here?
T only has one week left in my country before he's flying back home to his.:'-( Me? I've just got another more valid and stronger reason to leave this city.
I don't hate her. In fact, I've just stopped caring about her completely. From now on, she can be whatever she wishes. Speaking of wishes, she's finally got hers come true. She asked to be left alone and forgotten, just because people don't always agree with her.
Still, I don't feel safe dealing with her. I don't want to have to bump into her in the same city. I don't want or need her and her drama in my life anymore.
Sounds cruel enough to you?
R.
