2012-02-07 - 3:19 p.m.
I don't know why I had that nightmare last night. The logical ones might tell me that must have come from exhaustion. I came home from work at sometime after nine last night.
Plus, I still have essays to correct and mark.:|
That dream was vivid. I was hanging out with T and friends, but only saw him and his best friend Githa. (Or maybe it was only them I hung out with in my dream. Maybe it was just a sign that I was missing them and worried about them at the same time.)
There were people around. Suddenly, there was this strange guy who came up to him and spat out the hateful word to his face:
"Faggot."
Then he walked out. I didn't know why. The guy's face was blurred, but I could still see that obvious look in his eyes. They were dark, full of pure, intense hatred.
I wanted to run after him, but T quickly grabbed me by the arm. His grip was warm but firm at the same time. I looked up at him and he smiled warmly at me, shaking his head slowly.
"Don't," he said softly. "It's just not worth it."
He reminded me of my dead college best friend Pumpkin a bit. Pumpkin had been like that too with his bullies in the past.:|
Then the scene changed abruptly, almost like in a movie. It was much darker now around us. Were we at the end of the day? I wasn't sure. All I saw was T sitting there in front of me, all banged-up, black and blue in the face. He had a black eye and bruised cheeks. He looked pretty distraught and battered. Githa was there too, treating his wounds in silence.
"Who did this to you?" I asked him, carefully touching his chin. He tried to look away, but I made him gaze back at me again. His beautiful dark eyes were gleaming as they looked down. I drew in a sharp breath. I felt a painful knot in my chest.
Oh, no. He's going to cry.:(
"Who was it?" I demanded, my voice rising. "Abang*, look at me. Who? You know it hurts me seeing you like this."
He was still unusually rigid and quiet. I turned my eyes to Githa. She refused to meet my gaze, but her expression gave a bit away. It was like, she knew something but just wouldn't tell me.
"Bang," I pleaded, looking back at T. He was already crying silently now. "Please, tell me who did this to you."
He shook his head. I started shaking his shoulders with growing impatience, fearing my anger would hurt him worse. Githa was still there too, watching but didn't do anything to stop me.
"Who did this?!" I was screaming now. "Who was it?! Tell me! Who did this to you?!"
He was still crying, but I couldn't stop. Then my mind began to realize that it was just a dream, knowing that I would never really want to do such thing to him in real life. I closed my eyes and silently begged:
I know it's a dream. I know it's just a dream. Wake me up. Oh, please. God, wake me up. I can't stand this anymore...
When I finally woke up in my room this morning, I felt myself growing cold all over. I was shaking. I stared at the mirror, and a tear-stained face was staring back at me.
Just a dream, I had to tell myself. It was just a dream. He's going to be just fine. Sssh...
R.
