2007-11-15 - 7:13 p.m.
I've woken up and gone to the restaurant early today. But somehow, I've managed to steal a little time to catch my sleep on the couch in the restaurant in the morning.:P Well, the result was pretty much disastrous to my poor head, though. Still, I knew I was still sleepy, so I just gave in easily to my tiredness.
I had another strange, scary nightmare.:| So strange and scary, until it felt as if I'd been asleep for hours and unable to wake up anymore.
I found myself lying on and strapped tightly to the table. (The table sort of reminds me of the one in the surgery room or somewhere in a sci-fi sequence.:P) I was somewhere outdoor where strangers passed me by. The sky was bright and blue with the warm sun. But still, I found myself unable to move and speak. I couldn't even blink. Worst of all, I felt strangely suffocated --- eventhough I wasn't being gagged in the mouth.
And I couldn't stop myself from crying.:'-( I felt the warmth in my face, although the rest of my body went icy-cold. The tears kept flowing through the corners of my already tired eyes. Even my nose was runny. I tried my best controlling my breath.
Help me, I'd wanted to scream, but no voice came out. The strangers around just mostly watched me, as if I was only part of their favourite freakshow. Some just walked on, but many others stopped by and stared hard at me. Nobody released my straps. Nobody even bothered to at least just wipe my tears away. No. They just stared at me in dead silence, giving me the creeps...*shudders*
And the scariest part was that they had no faces at all!:O No eyes, no noses, and no mouths. Just their skin --- all flat on where their faces should've been, spotless like fresh papers or new canvases. But somehow, I knew that they were still staring at me.
Then my eyes started to burn and sting. I'd forced my head to slowly move sideways despite the sudden headache. To my left, I could see a clock tower standing tall and solid across the busy street. But its hands were moving rapidly I could barely tell the time. And I still couldn't blink at all. My eyes hurt really bad. Help...:'-(
The next thing I knew, my tears had turned to...blood.*gulps* Well, how did I find out about that? When I looked to my right, I saw a glass door and windows of a building. (A store? An office??:-S) I caught my reflection, seeing gory red streaks down the side of my face...
That was when I suddenly heard Mom's voice --- somewhere in the distance, calling me over and over again. But she was nowhere in sight. I just kept hearing her demanding voice.
I opened my mouth and tried to scream, but my voice was still stuck in my throat.
Mama, tolong...bangunin aku...:'-(
(Mom, help...wake me up...)
Finally (which had almost felt like eternity:|), I forced myself to wake up completely. Then I could hear Mom even louder this time, so I got up and rushed to the kitchen to find her, ignoring my still dizzy head.
"Menti needs your help to deliver the catering orders."
All day, I've completely forgotten about the dream...until now, when I'm alone.:|
*shudders*
Now I can't really explain just what's going on with my head. I mean, I'm sure that my scary dream could pretty much symbolize all of it, but...*deep sigh* I just can't put it into words. Well, that's rather an ironic statement, because I still believe that I write much better than than I talk.
I can't believe this.:( Now I'm completely lost in my own, twisted labyrinth of thoughts. They're all like being in a crazy, non-stop roller-coaster ride that makes you want to throw up --- although your stomach's already empty. Or, a light stroll in the park on a sunny day alone before an unexpected punch on your beaming, smiling face. WHAM! Just like that.
Is this a sign of my depression?:( Should I go see a therapist or just shake these stupid feelings off, assuming they're nothing and I'm just being silly?
*sighs* I don't know. I really don't. But there's still one thing I'm sure. I must believe in it anyway, as always.*shrugs*
It's only temporary.:| Soon, this insanity will all just go away and everything will go back to normal.
And I'll be okay. I have to.
The Author
