2007-04-22 - 7:25 p.m.
It's been quite a busy, rather hectic weekend than usual. I've been trying to juggle lots of things in my only two hands (and one head!:P) these days. They say any woman in the world is naturally capable of...multi-tasking.*big evil grin*
And I seriously hope that I'm not doing too bad of a job here.*giggles*
Work's been rather crazy lately.:P I could barely get out and do other --- more fun --- stuff on Saturday. Chenny had asked me to go see a movie with her and Kristin at Mall Taman Anggrek, West Jakarta. But I was really stuck at work. At least I was happy enough that we had lots of costumers coming to the restaurant and complimenting our food --- until last night.:) I hope it'll stay that way everyday. We need the money.
I haven't had the chance to deal with my lost ID and ATM cards...yet.:( I know, I must work on that real quickly (but at least the damn thief wouldn't be able to take anything from my account, because I don't have that much money left in there anymore.*big evil grin*) I must really do that soon tomorrow.:| The sooner the better. This is such a drag.*rolls eyes*
Yesterday morning, I had to deal with yet another most aggravating situation again.:x You see, my sister's boyfriend Gatot was sleeping over again at Panglima Polim --- with The Almost Twins in their room upstairs. He'd parked his gray scooter in the driveway. That morning, he was still upstairs --- watching DVD with The Almost Twins. The next thing I saw, Dear Brother suddenly showed up with his scooter keys. Then, to my surprise and dismay, Dad willingly moved his darn scooter to the front porch...
:O...
*rolls eyes* What the hell...
.........................
*deep sigh* Oh, well. Whatever.*shrugs*
Just as long as he won't have enough guts in the world to start treating me like one of his fucking slaves!:x But still, how dare he treat all my family members like that. I hate him. I also hate myself even more for feeling this helpless. I'm all alone here, remember?:'-( He's turned my home and working place into a freaking Twilight Zone --- whenever he's around.
And I will never ever forget that.:x Ever. Just wait until I become richer and more successful. Wait until I get my own place to live. After that, I'll only help my parents and brother. I'm sorry for sounding like a mean, vengeful bitch here.:( But enough is enough! No more, please. I've had it with this!
If only Gatot knew where he still stood and weren't being this ignorant and insolent, then you have my word that I wouldn't resent him this much.:|
If only The Princess Brat weren't too used to being spoiled so much...:(
If only Mom weren't playing favourites like she obviously is now...
*sighs*
Of course, the only person who truly understands my feelings these days is...Menti. (Too bad I also can't rely on Dad and my brother about this.:( Dad is hopelessly ignorant, while Dear Brother is too much of a sweetheart these days to face any conflict. Or maybe I'm just being overly protective of him again.:|)
When I told Menti about what had happened, she just shook her head in dismay --- telling me: "That was uncalled for."
Yeah.:| I totally agree.
On a much lighter note:
I've just done something seriously new and surprising (especially more to myself, actually:P) with my creativity in my writing. You see, last week --- my older cousin Reza (who's still a senior college student) asked me to help him on one of his college assignments. He's been working on a sampling, adult magazine --- and he needed a fiction. Most of the time, I write poetry and short-stories about innocently teenage love (yeah, I know just how 'maudlin' they can really be *rolls eyes*) or something dark and heavy...like mystery. However, Reza asked me to write something a bit more...erotic.
*blushes*
"Uh, you're talking to a girl who still has no idea --- " and no experience yet, I added silently " --- about any of that."
"Hey, you're the creative writer here.I'm sure you can come up with something. Two weeks. Thanks."
*gulps* Two weeks??:O
Then I remember a local author named Herlinatiens, with her debut novel "Garis Tepi Seorang Lesbian" (The Corner Line of a Lesbian). She's absolutely straight, but she's done a lot of research on that.
In the end, I could come up with something and finally finished a decent piece last night. (How 'decent'??:P Don't ask!*big evil grin*) Reza took it and just gave me a light kiss on my forehead before he left.*shrugs*
And no, I'm not going to show you what I wrote for his project.:P No way! I am not going to let you know the pervert side of me, thank you very much.*big evil grin*
*giggles*
.........................
I'm thinking about Tiger.:| I am missing him very much. There's still this sad little fact that lies within us. And I can't lie anymore.
I still love him.:'-( Always have and always will, I'm afraid. I can't pretend that I'll be okay without him like I did before. Not this time and not anymore. I'm sorry. I'm just not that strong.
"I'm against myself again,
trying to fit these pieces in,
walking on a could of dust to get to you..."
I can tell that Tiger is still confused too.:( He's admitted that he has feelings for me too, but he's...afraid. He's been badly hurt by his bitch of an ex-girlfriend.*rolls eyes* I can understand his fears, but...it still hurts me.:'-(
I don't want to lose Tiger to another girl or else anymore. I'm scared. My friends say I shouldn't give up on him that easy if I still love him this much. My family say I'm being unrealistic.
So, which will it be?:( Should I fight to win the broken heart of someone I've always loved, or just give up with this harsh reality --- try to move on and pretend to love another?
I don't know.:'-( I really don't...
The Clueless Author
