2007-04-11 - 7:10 p.m.
There are so many things I've been wanting to write in here lately. Hmm, I'm not really sure where to start, but --- I'll try to make a sensible recap of all:
I still haven't had the chance to send my CV to Dastan Books via e-mail attachment yet.:( Things have been quite hectic at work lately. It's good that we've gotten more and more catering orders in the morning.:)
I'm exhausted now.:P I still need to seriously catch up with more writing contests as well. I know I must find some quality time with myself more --- the peace and quiet kind of thing. My brain is not working properly for such favourite hobby. I need more money.
*deep sigh*
Menti told me something very surprising just a few days back.:| Since Gatot's been already introduced to most of my maternal family members, so Mom's other two sisters Aunt Yanti (who lives in Bandung with her only son Aditya) and Aunt Ria know him. However, this is what they've really thought of...Mom and The Golden, Leechy Couple when they talked to Menti the last time:
1.Aunt Ria was quite shocked to see that Mom has totally changed! (Gee, should I thank God now that other people have finally started to notice that too?*rolls eyes*) She'd genuinely wondered aloud to Menti: "Is Indira always being spoiled like that? And, how come Gatot's wishes are always granted so easily?"
2.Besides Menti, Aunt Yanti used to be Mom's other closest sister as well.:| She's mostly been the quietest in the family, and she's not really into gossiping. So, I could tell that Aunt Yanti wasn't making that up when she'd told Menti that she kind of...disliked Gatot. She thought he was being rather...impolite with her.
.........................
Of course, how do you save a weakling queen from being under this...this spell? And, does every 'Cinderella' in the world get to have their 'happy-endings' too --- even without stupid glass shoes and a prince charming coming to the rescue? I am not kidding myself here, people. I know damn well that life is not a fairy-tale at all.:P Nice guys finish last. Bad guys win more often. Good girls are (considered) the bottom of the priorities. Bitches get more attention, because --- somehow --- they manage to look better on the outside.
*sneers* Isn't it just the way of the real world here, dears? It's all about luck. You just do what's more necessary to get by. It's survival of the fittest.
*sighs* Okay, okay. Enough bitterness already. It's not fucking use anymore.
When Menti told her other two sisters about one incident that had made me cry and think that Mom was being so unfair, both Aunt Ria and Aunt Yanti had felt sorry for me.:'-( Of course, how come they wouldn't have?
"Please, don't cry."
I'd looked up at Menti and quickly dabbed my eyes.:( I hate crying in front of other people. (Many times I've already bragged that it's not (supposed to be) a tomboy's thing.:P*big evil grin*) Dad believes it's a sign of weakness.:( But I just couldn't hold back the tears at that time. It hurt (and still does, come to think of it). Thank God she and I were alone.
The next thing I knew, I opened up to her about...the blue swellings on my arms.:| She'd simply revealed her permanent marks on hers --- and then asked me to stop doing that.
"It's dangerous."
I know.:(
*huffs* Now, it's about Tiger.
Last week, I'd been feeling so relieved that the restaurant had closed early.:P Catering orders had totally drained everybody's strength, including my own. However, I was still strong enough to visit a cybercafe and just log on.
And I'd chatted with him online...for over an hour. It turned out that he was still completely shattered.:( He'd just found out that his ex simply told him she was dating another guy back home and thought that she was in love with him. It was just like that. So quick and easy, as if their two-and-a-half-year, long-distant relationship just never really mattered.:x
:'-(...
Thank God they've already broken up. I hope they're never going back together again.:x Enough is enough! She's badly hurt my best friend, an incredibly great guy I also truly love. No more, please.
"I've been such an idiot.:'-("
"No, it's not you.:'-( It's her. She has no idea that a guy like you can make a sensible girl in the world feel lucky, because once you love...you're treating her like a princess."
And I hate her for hurting him over and over again.:( I'm sorry, people. I can't help it. I love him.
"You've always been there for me. Why didn't I ever go for a girl like you?"
Huh??:O
*deep sigh*
Okay, okay, calm down, people. I know you might wonder about my very first reaction when I finally discovered this:
Tiger's begun to have more feelings...for me.:| He'd admitted that. Romantic ones.
Did I jump for joy? Did I cry?? Both, perhaps???
I cried.:'-( Not only from this little miracle of joy, but also the sadness it has somehow caused. Why does he and I have to be so far away from each other? I love him. I still do...so much. It hurts.
And I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to ever have to let him go or lose him to another girl again.
But I'm also afraid. So is he. The distance is tormenting. He can't promise me anything right now and I understand that. He's still in his healing process. He doesn't want to hurt me by making me a rebound girl or something else like that, and I don't want that either.
But when he asked me to promise him that I would not hold back from another guy who might've had interests in me and there'd possibly have been a future for us, I never answered that. No, I couldn't. I still can't. I'm afraid never...:'-(
*sighs* Anyway, Tiger's doing a lot better now.:) I'm glad. But still, we haven't really talked about that again...yet. To be honest, I'm still confused. And scared.*blushes*
"Don't pretend you'll be okay without him like you did back then, girl," Ki had suggested the last time we met. "It's obvious. I don't want you to fall apart again, so be careful what you wish for."
Great.:| Now, what am I supposed to do? Where do we (have to) go from here?
The (Twisted) Cinderella
