2006-10-17 - 7:35 p.m.
It's only one week left of This Fasting Month before Eid on the 24th. So quick, too soon.:( I'm going to miss that as always. I hope I'll get to see another Ramadan next year.
As usual, I'll be celebrating Eid with my whole family here.:) Amen. But, what about my dear Tiger?
He has no plan coming home. It's much too expensive, he's told me last night. So, this will be his very first time celebrating Eid on his own --- far away from his family. But his mother has made him promise to come home sometime in December --- for the other Eid.:)
"Every mother will always miss their kids when they're away," I reminded him.:) He agreed. And then, suddenly he came up with another question that made me think hard and long all over again.:|
"Have I ever unintentionally hurt you?"
Have you?:( Have you ever really?
"Hmm, no.:) I don't even remember if you ever have."
"Maybe something I forgot and you never told me?"
"Uh, even if you ever really did, I wonder why I forgot."
"LOL!:D"
Well, I actually have been disappointed many times before, love, but I can't really tell you that.:( I've shed countless tears just for you, perhaps a whole lot more than you think you know and I'll ever want to admit --- even to myself.*blushes* My pride just won't allow me to show you that. I'm a temperamental tomboy, a silent rebel, a restless soul, and a love cynic, remember?*smiles sadly* You're probably one of the very few guys I've known on earth whom I've also trusted enough to ever really enter my isolated castle.
Why did I ever let you be with her in the beginning?:( Perhaps it was also my fear of ruining our wonderful friendship with...*sighs*love. I couldn't also help my age, realising how most people would still react to an older girl having these feelings for a younger guy. I thought I did the right thing. I thought she could love you better and make you happy. I thought she'd never cheat on you and hurt you badly over and over again.:'-( There's nothing I can really do right now except to watch you make your own decisions --- or prepare myself to catch you again in case you'll fall apart harder this time.
I love you. I love you so much, but my feelings for you are my own responsibilities --- not yours. They've always been from the very beginning. So don't worry, you're not the one to blame here.:) Ever. Because in the end, I only want you to be happy. I don't want her to ever hurt you like that again.:'-( Please, God. Make her stop doing that to him if they both are really meant for each other in the end...
If our God only allowed one person to have a happy-ending on this, I'd like that to be yours. Forever.
The Author
