2006-05-31 - 7:20 p.m.
Well, here it is, folks. The very last day of this month. May 31st. For some people (maybe you too), it doesn't really mean a thing. It's just another day. Nothing specific about it.
For people in my country who disagree with the government's new draft of bills regarding "Antipornography", it does mean something. And, since I'm with them, it means something to me too. Something really big.
Today might probably be the last day for us --- especially women --- here to possess our real freedom in our own land.:( We're still uncertain of what June may bring us tomorrow. If it's legalized, all women here will find themselves living in captivity for as long as they stay in this country --- whether they realise that or not. Whether they're aware or not.
Once again, I must say that I'm not into pornography that much. I believe some of the stuff are degrading and dehumanizing women.
These days, I can't help but wonder --- are women, my kind still treated more like objects? I don't know much about those who enjoy that. I just wonder about those men who see me just as an object --- not a real person who thinks and feels.:(
And it hurts.:'-( Everytime I think of that, I feel like wanting to cry all over again. But you know what? Crying's just no good these days. Crying's only for the weak and scared.
I'm telling you, if they know I'm weak and scared, then I'm just as good as dead. I won't show them that. It's almost like those bullies you see in school. Trust me, I know how scary it is. Been there, felt that. You may be outnumbered and possibly lose the battle, but at least you get to defend yourself. You get to show the world you're not the one starting the issue, they are. You get to show the world who start the fight and commit the crime. Bravery does count here. Dignity matters. Confidence is required.
If I have to die for this, then I guess it'll be God's decision. It's always in God's hands. After all, this is just a mortal life. I may never really belong in heaven in after-life, thanks to all my flaws and other ugly sides. I'm not an angel nor a saint, just an ordinary girl.
Do you think I'm this brave?:) No. I'm as fragile as anyone can be (especially those who refuse to admit they are.) I'm just trying my best not to be a coward, that's all.*shrugs* Cowards don't deserve respect from anybody else in this world.
Just like those bullies, hypocrites inside my country's government and other communities in this society. They spread terror to local public figures --- politicians, artists, and celebrities --- who disagree. They're forcing their stupid rules in the name of their so-called morality. Ha!
No, they don't care about morality. It's all about the money. It's all about political intentions. It's always like that. And no, they don't really care about women. They don't even intend to protect my kind here.:( They just want to show how powerful they are over women. They're truly blaming women as the main source of all sins and crimes like rape and harrassment.
Oh, my dearest God.:| A lot of people in my country are playing You these days, pointing their human fingers at one another. They think they're better, much holier than those they see as "different". It's the "I'm right and you're wrong" kind of thing. No compromise. No respect and understanding. Nothing. No one's really listening. Not anymore.
*deep sigh*
My best friend Tiger's worried I might be bitching about my own country.:( No, I'm not. That's just so not true. I still love my country. I really do. I still love living in my city, despite the bandits on the streets (and I mean that literally), the chaos and the pollution. I mean, all my family members and friends are around here. Just tell me, how could I ever really turn my back on all of them?
Hell, no.
*smiles sheepishly* Tiger's a real innocent sweetheart. He's a fine, young gentleman who truly respects women. I've never really met any guy like him before all my life.:) He's a real prince charming.
But sadly, there are things he just doesn't understand. He said, "No patriots without an empty stomach." Okay, I get that. He also said, "You owe it to your country." Damn right I do. This is my place too.:x
But I don't owe those people my FREEDOM. I don't owe them that, just to make my country a better place. Or I should say, their "better" place.*rolls eyes*
*scoffs* Some people just don't like to share, do they? How ironic. How selfish.
Trust me, if I ever have to leave my country, it'll only be because of them.:(
We all know bullies always work in groups. So do those people. They can't work alone because they're dependent and not that brave and strong. That's why I'm not (supposed to be) afraid of them. They just forget the true meaning of democracy. Embracing a religion is a personal choice, not a country's law. They're supposed to be more tolerant. This is about living in harmony, side-by-side and in one place --- despite their differences. This isn't about merely judging/stereotyping a person from what he/she wears or does.
*sighs* Oh, Tiger. After all, he's just a guy. He can never really understand how it feels to have to be extra careful and cautious --- day and night, 24/7.:| I don't blame him for that.
The night sky belongs to me too. I'm not letting them take my freedom away and treat me like a fucking whore, just because I happen to be out at night. I mean, why can't they just forget the damn rules and start helping the earthquake victims in Jogjakarta?
What's going to happen to my country in June?
We'll see. Just stay tuned.
The Anxious Author
