2019-04-19 - 10:26 p.m.
Sometimes you know it, yet you (choose to) delay the inevitable. You do that until you can’t take it anymore or others give you the reality check. (Other times it’s both at once.) Most of your reasons usually involve others besides you, when in fact you should prioritise YOU first.
“Taking care of yourself first is not always selfish. Sometimes it’s necessary, not just to save yourself, though. It’s to save others too.”
Where and when have you heard that? The last time you did hear that was perhaps some times ago. Some years back, a best friend had told you this. You decided to follow his advice and got to a better place.
So, how about now? Why should this be any different, somehow?
Sometimes, it’s hard to lie to yourself. You just can’t. You find yourself feeling exhausted. You’re fed up. You’re not sure you can carry on anymore.
The problem is how to tell anyone this, especially those who should know. You know how this world works. Not everybody can – and will – understand. They’ll find a way to try to make you feel so damn guilty for even bringing the subject up.
“Don’t be selfish; this isn’t all about you.”
“Everyone’s got problems too.”
Sure. You’re not stupid. They don’t need to tell you all of that. Everyone has their limits. So do they and you too. Of course, you may have different ideas on that matter. Still, there’s one thing you need to hold on to, even when you feel like a wreck. You realise that there is no point in expecting others to always understand you.
They may try to make you feel bad with your final decisions. They have many ways for your guilt trip. They can say you always make excuses – or that you’re so touchy you’ve misread their intentions. Such gaslighters who claim to care about you, when all they keep on doing is hurting you – minimising your worth.
You know better. Who are they kidding? They’re just so insecure that they need other people to put down. That’s the only way to make themselves feel better about themselves, which is too commonly sickening and pathetic.
The truth is, if staying with them does you more harm than good, you know what to do. You always have. You should love yourself better. You deserve to be happy – and sane – again. Nobody has any rights to treat you like crap, no matter how old they are.
Leave. Walk away. Let them think whatever they like about you. That only shows how helpless they are without you around.
R.
