2013-03-05 - 10:08 p.m.
Sometimes I hate the term "there's a calm before a storm". Really, that doesn't sound comforting at all. It makes us feel paranoid.
I don't get it. Just when I've begun to accept myself, enjoy my life,and be happy - something else always comes up. After quite a while, I thought that my own family had given up on pestering me with two things about me which they still consider as 'disgraceful' :
1.My heavy-weight.
2.My single status at the age of 31.
I've reached the point where I've gotten really, really sick to death of the same damn issues being brought up again. They claimed that they'd done that just because they cared about me.
Really? How would you feel if your own family implied that the reason you were still single at the age of 31 was because you were...umm, fat?! Worst of all, they acted defensively when you talked back. They accused you of being overly sensitive. Even your own mother told you to consider what they said a 'challenge' - and that you shouldn't be angry. It's like, I have no rights to defend myself and just have to suck it up! As if I deserved the whole shit once again just because I'm fat and single.
Great. That's just great. Some support. How the hell am I supposed to feel positive about that - and myself too? How on earth is that possible? How does that work?!
Thanks a lot, people. That was real support, really nice. That 'builds my character', alright. Thank you very much for the challenges. Thank you for making me feel ugly and worthless all over again. Thank you for destroying my self-confidence, just when I've begun to accept my life as it is, enjoy it, and be happy. You just ruined it for me!!
Those who don't appreciate my opinions, consider my feelings, and accept me for me, are those who don't deserve to know the real me - at all!
That's why I started sharing them less and less...about me. No, I'm sorry. No more. They no longer deserve that. Let them wonder about what's really on my mind these days. If they really care about me like they often claim, then they shouldn't make me feel unhappy, insecure, and ugly with that rotten comment. That wasn't love; that was verbal bullying. That was awfully mean and twisted.
Whatever. I hope they're sorry once I leave them and they no longer have to put up with my fat and my single status. Maybe that'll shake them up big time!
R.
