2013-03-01 - 1:56 p.m.
Dear 'Bello',
It has felt like ages already since I last saw you. I know I sound exaggerating. You are still on the island of the gods, while I am still stuck in Big Durian. Sorry I still cannot make it there soon yet. So many things here keep getting me in my way. I know it sounds lame, but it is true. I wish I could be there now too.
How are you, dear? I hope life is treating you well there. The last time we really exchanged a small talk (like we mostly do, what with the distance and technology), you told me it had been good. I surely hope it stays that way. I sincerely do.
Why did I end up calling you 'Bello' here? Well, I hate to admit to you here that he showed me his last e-mail to you before he sent it to your address. He had called you that, as weird as it sounds.
Then again, we are practically from two very different worlds. We do not play on the same team, although we do get along fairly well, thank God. I know I do not really understand everything. I can only try.
Just like I am trying to understand his decision to stay away from you, completely out of your life. As sad as it is, he had to do that. It is just one of those moments when love is not always (good? strong?) enough. One has to be realistic. Besides, I do not think any of you are up for a long-distant thing. I could be wrong, though. For now, I can only read the signs and silently speculate, and pray for the best.
He says he still cares about you. He's told me he always will. I believe him. I may sound as naive as a loyal puppy to its master, but it is true. I have seen him. I saw how he was that fateful night. His emotions had been genuine. I do not think anyone could ever really fake that.
He said he did not want to be around you if he would only be a painful reminder from your past, someone who had hurt you so bad. That is why he had to cut off all contacts with you. He said you would be much better off without him, finding someone else to love.
Still, I am glad he has introduced both of us to each other. I know that you are still suspicious with me, so that is why I keep my careful distance as well. I do not want you to think I am just his spy.
He once assured me that someday you might need me. I am not sure about that, but I will stick around. Until then, we shall wait and see.
Anyway, here comes the scary part.
I did not know what had gotten to me that night. It started from what you had shared on your fb wall. Some guy out there was furious with you, sending you a nasty text. He had called you a whore and told you to leave the island.
Judging from the comments, I am sure you have many friends. Good. I have told you that guy deserved a punch in the face. What a coward.
However, you told me to relax. Let karma do the work for you, you said. So I let it go.
It was until later that night in the classroom. It was the very first thing that had happened to me.
I was teaching when I suddenly felt a flash of sequencing images in my mind's eye. Had I suddenly gone psychic? Sounds crazy to you? I do not even know how to explain that to myself.
In my mind's eye, I could see us walking out of some bar or diner together one night. It felt like a dream, but I was not sleeping. I was wide awake. I saw us walking to your parked motorbike when three guys suddenly blocked our path.
Then the rest felt like quick, movie clips. You told me to run but I did not. You knew they were after you and I sensed you were in grave danger. I did not want to leave you alone with them, even when I knew my presence there would not do much. They were three big guys.
One of them started attacking you. Then another. You fought back but obviously outnumbered. For some reason, they targeted your gorgeous face, you athletic arms, your good legs. Pure, intense hatred. Very personal.
I tried to get one of them off of you, but he was way too big and strong for me. He ended up throwing me off and I slammed against the nearby wall and fell. I tried to get up again, but he kicked my nose. Blood started coming out of my nostrils after a faint crack. It hurt. I started hyperventilating.
They were still kicking and screaming at you, shouting out curses. I was already in tears and my vision started to blur. I was lying on my back, writhing in agony.
I had wanted to get up again and help you, but I was completely powerless now. I could only scream for help while watching them hurt you...
Then I blinked and I was back in the classroom. My students were still working on their exercise books. I felt a lump in my throat that I had to excuse myself out for a while. I felt like crying. I did not want them to know I was upset and scared over this. They might have thought I was crazy. I could never explain this.
You would think I am crazy. I know I sound crazy. I do not think I will ever be able to explain this to you.
I asked you to take care of yourself because I was worried. You told me not to, because you were in a small island where you might hurt them first - by accident. I told you that if you ever had to do that, make sure you would not be outnumbered.
You thought I was joking. You later told me not to worry again, because the guy who had sent you that nasty text was actually in the same city as I am. A real coward he is.
For now, I remain silent. I have not told him or you in person. I am just praying that it was just my senseless paranoia.
Take care.
love,
R.
