2011-03-27 - 8:02 p.m.
Last weekend on Saturday, we hung out at Aunt Ria's place. They were all equally-awed by cute Baby Gyan, which made his older brother Ganesh feel jealous. The little boy ended up getting cranky all day long, demanding everyone's attention too.
And I had to carry Ganesh up the stairs to the second floor and back, only because he wanted to see what was there. Twice. He refused to walk, and he's about 12 kilograms (26.4 lbs?) Plus, it was a very hot afternoon.
In the end, I was drenched in my own sweat. I also silently wished I'd lost a few pounds from that sudden work-out. Hehe.:P
I escorted Mom to my brother's ex-girlfriend Dida's wedding at the evening. (Dida's a dentist, and they'd been dating for quite some time, long before he met Dindi.) My brother was very sweet. (I mean, he definitely is much sweeter than I am - so it would be odd if anyone thought I'm too kind.:| The truth is...well, I'd rather not go there again.)
I mean, my brother even helped with her wedding prep. Isn't that sweet?:)
Then I had another silly argument with Mom. It started when I noticed that some couples did different things at the wedding. There were women who grabbed the drinks for their men. (Mostly husbands and wives, I presumed.) There were also men who did that for their ladies.
I told Mom about this.
"It's all about the cultures," she simply concluded. "In the west, I think most men do that because that's part of being the gentlemen. Here, people still perceive women's role as servants to their men - especially the Javanese."
Ugh, not another Javanese, patriarchic cultural arrogance, please.*scoffs*
"Well, if I ever did that to a guy, Ma, it would be out of kindness," I told her. "I'd be doing it because I really care about him, not because I have to - or I see myself as his servant."
"That's okay too, but we live in the society where other people's opinions matter," she reminded me sternly. I caught an unpleasant flicker in her eyes. "Most elders here still think it's inappropriate for men to-"
"Ma, this is not the only part of the world."
"I know." She glared at me impatiently. I could tell that - once again - she was also disappointed. "Still, it's up to you if you choose to be the minority and can take people 'talking' about you."
Honestly, I kind of regret that argument, because I knew she'd say that. (I guess that's why they call it 'generation gap'.:P) However, I still stick to what I believe in.
I mean, take a look at other stuff related to this. For example, I once witnessed a husband who didn't give a damn that his wife had been awfully busy at that time. (Feeding their crying little boy and preparing for the family gathering dinner at that time. Oh, for the record, she works outside their house too!) He sat around doing nothing, yet he was impatiently ordering his wife: "Where's my tea?!" in such a demanding tone that made me feel like throwing a shoe at his smug face. (Don't worry, I didn't.*sneers*) I mean, what the hell, dude? Can't you see she's busy? Can't you see that just because she's your wife doesn't mean she'll drop your kid somewhere only to fix you some tea so that you'd stop nagging? Why don't you make that yourself, at least once in a while? Is it too bloody difficult for you, or you just need 24/7 royal treatments ONLY to make you feel like a real man?*sneers*
In the end, I just stared at Mom's drinking glass in her hand. Then I simply grabbed another for myself from a nearby table. There was no one I could give that too and no one to get that for me.
No problem. I can always deal with that.
How was my first week back to work?
Busy and quite exhausting as usual. But that's okay, because I need to stay busy.
One of Jules' dogs died from some nasty virus.:( I feel sorry for her and her kids. She told me that on Tuesday and then we started talking about how hard it was to accept painful things happening to us.
I know.:( That's why there's a thin, fine line between accepting and liking. There's usually an acceptance when we like something/someone, but that doesn't always work that way with acceptance.
Accepting things doesn't mean that you actually like it. You can try or learn to, but sometimes it gets overrated - as if it's as quick and easy as flipping a quarter.
On Wednesday, I got to help my cousin Rizki (Aunt Ria's eldest son who copywrites in an ad company) with the press release's translation. Hurrah for Google Translation! (Although of course I still had to do a major revision after that, because I do pay attention to contexts. Google only translates word per word.)
I worked from ten in the morning until nine in the evening at Thursday. Very exhausting.
My pal/big brother Al worries about me. He said that although I was generally confident and brave, I'm a bit too skeptic about...uh, love.:| I don't deny that. However, I am now too numb to do anything about that. No, I'm not angry with him or anything. I know he means well. Just like some gentlemen friends I've gotten to know during my adulthood, I know that he actually cares. I don't even care if he thinks I'm being super silly about this, because - the truth is - I just am.*shrugs* I can't help it for now.
These days, I've chosen not to give too much of a thought about this. But hypothetically, if there really is someone for me out there who does stick around for me because the love is just there, do you know what I'm going to tell him?
'I love you'?
Nah, too cliche. In fact, I'm not even sure if I can say that with a straight, serious face - or without a stutter.
No. I think I might tell him this:
"You are my miracle. Want to know why? Long ago, before we've met - I have already given up on even the thought of love and walked away. I have sworn to myself that only God could change that, and if that's why He sent you - then I'm still lucky."
Will that day ever come? Want to bet?
Nah, I'm too broke for that.*giggles and big evil grin* Besides, it's forbidden by my religion - and basically, life itself is already a gamble.
Believe it or not, I've decided to start facing my own demons again. I have just finished reading Julia Quinn's "Splendid". It was...okay, I guess.*shrugs* At least the leading lady wasn't acting like a damsel in distress through the whole book, always waiting to be saved by her prince charming...*sneers*
Another good news: I've just spotted my poem being published by my favourite local teenlit magazine "The Story".:D Looks like I can still make money from pain.*big evil grin*
The Author/SBF/QB
