2017-07-08 - 10:47 a.m.
Mommy, I'm scared We've talked about this before briefly, but I was still being straight to the point that worries you more Mommy, I'm still scared I still can't tell the difference between a monster and a real man but they say I should take the chance I can see your disappointment 'though it remains unspoken I bet you're tired of their questions about me they consider stubborn and just plain ignorant I don't expect them to understand 'though I wish they'd keep quiet more often and just listen before passing me any judgment as if they had the entitlement Mommy, I'm scared I know what you want from me all you hope that I'll be but it's not that easy I have seen reality so dark, love feels like fantasy I know you want me to be happy but hey, single doesn't always mean I'm lonely I'm afraid of so many things Mommy, I'm not kidding You've heard bits about the last one and no, I'm not repeating the same damn thing many thanks to guys like him I'm not a rest-stop or some past-time tale for his future hook-ups Thank God, I've never let him get that far His selfish, shady ways will never make him my shining star I don't fear the possibility of marriage but they say every outspoken wife is a bitch How come? What about husbands who keep treating their wives like shit? Those who turn their women into merely emotional and physical punching bags? I don't want a husband who'll turn me into someone unpleasant I don't want them to only preach about how I should be more patient with him as they turn their backs on me, feigning ignorance giving into this sickening, Culture of Silence I don't want the father of my children to hurt our boys so badly by calling them faggots and cry-babies only because they too shed their tears which is always considered weak and "girly" I don't want him to hurt our girls by treating them like mere objects locking them, limiting their steps refusing to let them decide their own fates I'm so sorry, Mommy I can face any god-forsaken street thugs bravely but I don't just open my heart to any guy out there, you see? That would be another story I'm still scared Too bad I'm also too much of a coward because I can't say all of this to your face I'm still fighting this fear even when I'm all alone here Perhaps someday I'll banish this successfully In the meantime, just bear with me and believe that I'll be okay, Mommy... I'm sorry... R.
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