2017-05-02 - 11:59 p.m.
"Why do you seem to always fall for guys impossible to be with in the first place?"
What would you do if one of your friends told you that? How would you feel, especially if those words had been stuck in your brain for so long?
"It feels like you're not ready for a relationship yourself."
What if those words had been true?
Nobody identifies themselves 'romantically-challenged' for nothing. It's either they don't believe in romance, are afraid to, or just don't take it seriously.
So, which one are you? Are you the kind who claim that romance doesn't exist or that it is a joke? Are you the one who think that, "If love were a god, then I might be agnostic"?
Do you even wonder about it, not by existence but questioning its relevance to the happiness in your life?
Maybe it's your subconscious mind. Whether it's the guy with some serious distance factor (geographical, emotional, you name it), a matter of non-compromised principles, or...just someone you can never be with, no matter what. Someone else's love or someone with zero feelings towards you.
Sometimes kindness doesn't really matter. Sometimes you try to be the one with it and you're still (considered) not good enough. You have to accept it as it is, instead of begging to be noticed and appreciated.
Many have made that grave mistake. It sounds pathetic when you hear someone wail: "But I'm a nice guy/good girl." On the contrary, anyone will sound the opposite if they claim to be that way.
That's why, it's best to keep quiet. You're a grown-up now, living in the real world. No more teenage idealism, things you used to believe in.
Stuff they'd tried to make you believe, like nice guys/good girls would always get noticed quickly and appreciated. Well, this doesn't mean it's no longer true. It's just not the only possibility in life.
Perhaps it's still true...in a way. You choose these oddities out of fear, guys you may have a slim chance to end up with in the first place. Those who seem either below or out of your league.
Because you're so used to the same ending. In the end, you remain a silent admirer - with love once again gone unrequited. You always prepare for the same damn thing.
Will it always be like this? People who worry about you have observed silently, sometimes with burning scrutiny. You can feel their eyes and heavy thoughts on you:
"How to make her believe that she too deserves (to be) love(d)? How to wash away her fears?"
If only she could provide them an answer. If only she could feel safe enough to remove her shield, so whoever he is could see the real her inside.
Would he run off out of fear as well? Would he find her good enough, like she equally find him too - perhaps even more so - despite their oddities to one another?
R.
