2018-03-13 - 9:45 a.m.
“I never want to hurt that person, but my heart can no longer lie.”
“She had to choose between me and the other person her parents approve. I know she still loves me, but she loves her parents too.”
“I finally ended it with him. You’re right, I deserve better.”
I hate most breakup stories. I even hate writing about them (so what am I doing now? Why?) There is always something sad and heartbreaking about them.
Still, just like all walks of life, some stories have to end. There are reasons we don’t always understand. Sometimes we have no choice but to accept the truth, no matter how much it hurts. I remember telling two of my friends this a long time ago:
“Sometimes it doesn’t matter who’s right or wrong. He could be the jerk or I could be the bitch. It always hurts, although perhaps not in the same amount for each.”
When one love dies because one heart goes to another instead of staying with the previous one, it’s always easy to judge. It’s either “Oh, how disloyal!” or “How weak. They should’ve fought their hardest to keep the other one stay.” Most of the time, the third party is also to blame. They are the ‘home-wreckers’, stealing another love’s away.
The truth is, we never know. Sometimes, being good also means being prepared to get hurt. Some people choose to stay in a relationship, perhaps not always out of love – but more of pure goodwill and honour. Others choose to leave in the name of brutal honesty, the harsh truth. Why stay when they are no longer happy?
Accepting the pain of abandonment is never easy. Not everybody’s big-hearted enough to let go, accepting that it’s over and moving on. Their love for the one who’s chosen to leave them behind may still be there, perhaps always.
What’s the point of trying your best to keep them, when they no longer wish to stay?
Other times, love has to say goodbye and part ways against their will. Some external factors (family, society, you name it) are sometimes much stronger that they refuse to let it grow. In the name of peace, love has to stop staying together.
Is it cruel to give up the fight? Is it easy to choose between the one you really love with your parents’ approval? Cultures also play a bigger role here.
Either way, each choice bears consequences.
What if the partner’s less than pleasant – or even worse? Who says it is easy? Sometimes, delaying a breakup is not out of love, fear, or insecurity.
You may never recognise the addiction until when it’s hard to let go, no matter how toxic you know it is. However, once you do, it slowly gets easier.
Being alone again can get really scary to some. You have to start over, getting to know people and repeating the same, old familiar process. If you’re not careful, you might set up a rebound trap – for you and the other person involved.
It might feel like an overwhelming challenge at first to be all alone again. However, there’s nothing wrong with this choice as well. It’s all about looking after yourself for a while.
After all, you matter too. In fact, you’re (supposed to be) the very first person who loves you for who you are. Nobody else should do it better.
That way, when the next person comes along, you’ll want to be with them out of love...not loneliness.
Either way, I admire you all. You’ve made me believe that, no matter what, love is still worth it. I think for me to be brave too – just like you.
R.
