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2014-08-17 - 11:07 p.m.

�I can still remember when
at the tender age of ten,
Mother told me I could be anything at all...�

I love that song, Ma. You know why. We used to argue about this a lot. I know you always care about me like all mothers do for their kids, but you worry too much. You need to learn to let me go. It�s not easy, I know, but life does go on.
And now I�m all grown-up. Don�t you think it�s about time that I made decisions for myself?

�We�ve been told for all our lives:
This is who we have to be.
Close your eyes, go back to sleep.
Don�t ask questions, don�t ask why.
Just do exactly as they say,
but I don�t think that I can take the pressure...�

You�ve questioned my dreams. Artists, writers � no certain future for them, you used to say. Go to university (which I did). Study. Graduate. (Check, check.) Get a normal job. (Huh?) Date a nice guy (well, your version of a �nice guy�, I suppose. Get married at 25 the latest. Have kids. Have normal, smiling family pictures like my older sister does. The ideal, picture-perfect of what normal Indonesian women should be. How typical.

�Well, lately...everywhere I go
somebody wants to know
if something�s wrong with me,
because I�m not like them...�

Sorry I disappoint you again, but what�s so wrong about being Ms.Independent? It doesn�t mean I don�t need anyone. If they say I scare some guys off with this attitude, then what kind of guy do they expect me to end up with?
I�ve moved out to live on my own. I�ve challenged myself with a job I never thought I could finally get. Many times I choose not to come home during weekends or even tell you when I fall sick and can�t get out of bed, even when you can always send my brother over to fetch me home. The idea is, I have to be able to take care of myself first before I can start caring for others more. That�s the only way to go.
You haven�t had a chance to visit me here and see how my new life is. Don�t worry, I�m just a phone call or a text away. We�re still living in the same city anyway. I�m not abandoning you.
I�m happy here. I�ve finally started opening my heart up again after a very long time. It didn�t last, but I�ve faced the consequence like a sensible grown-up should. The good part is, now I know that letting a guy walk me home doesn�t mean I am giving up my independence or anything else that is �crazier�, if you know what I mean.
Let�s just say, Dad had taught me well. And don�t worry, because you�ll always be my Ma � even when you no longer take care of me.

Love,
R.

(Jakarta, 13/8/2014 - @Couchsurfing Writers� Club, Anomali Cafe, Setiabudi One � 8:00 � 11:00 pm. Theme: �Independence� � inspired by Hoobastank�s �The Pressure�)

 

 

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