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2014-07-26 - 3:49 p.m.
Come back to me. I know you�re in there. I don�t want him. I want you. They say I should�ve left you long ago. You�re not always yourself. Sometimes you�re someone else. Sometimes I wish I could just protect you from him, but I need to protect myself too. Who are you? Which one is the real you? I have no clue. So does your crying mother. She keeps saying she�s sorry she wasn�t there in your time of need. She�d been unwell too. That monster who called himself a father had somehow convinced them she was unfit, so you�d been left alone with him. You were just a little boy then. You couldn�t protect yourself. God only knows what had happened before a neighbour finally called the police and saved you, nearly dying from starvation and dehydration. All those bruises, broken bones...so much that an innocent soul of a child had to endure. Dr.Allen has shown me pictures of you as a child � and past police records too. Somehow, a good part of you has survived. That�s how we met. But then he started getting in the way again. He makes you unresponsive when I call your name. Sometimes he makes you forget who you are. He tells me he�s just trying to protect you from the world, because you�re such a weakling. He says he doesn�t trust me, because I might be just like your mother � abandoning you in your time of need. But you know it�s not true. Look, I�m still here. You know I love you and I know you love me too. He hates me because he�s afraid that he�s going to get hurt again, and that he wants to always protect you. He has done it again, when � somehow � your father got out of jail and went out looking for you. He�d killed him for you, but unfortunately using your hands. Who would believe that? I do. I know you. I know he won�t give you up without a fight, so I ignore Dr.Allen�s strict warning about not getting too close to you. I don�t care. I only care about you. That night, you were kicking and screaming after they�d put you in a straitjacket. I knelt down and touched your face, forcing you to look at me. Your eyes were wide with rage. It was his expression, not yours. �Come back to me,� I pleaded, with tears in my eyes. �I know you�re in there. I don�t want him. I want you.� You sneered, before you lost consciousness. How familiar. When your eyes were open again, you gazed at me with instant recognition. Your tears started. I hugged you closely, feeling grateful. �You came back!� �Anna.� I looked at you again. This time, you looked as guilty and sad as a little boy that my heart went out to you again. Please, let me protect you. You don�t need him anymore. �Anna, it wasn�t Evan.� �What?� �I had to do it before the old man got to me again,� you confessed. �Evan says I�ve always been much braver than him. He�s just the one with the big mouth here.� �Ethan??� Have I done the right thing? Have I loved the right person all along? R. (Jakarta, 23/7/2014 - @Couchsurfing Writers� Club, @Anomali Cafe, Setiabudi One � from 8:00 to 11:00 pm)
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