Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries

2014-07-26 - 3:49 p.m.

Come back to me. I know you�re in there. I don�t want him. I want you.
They say I should�ve left you long ago. You�re not always yourself. Sometimes you�re someone else. Sometimes I wish I could just protect you from him, but I need to protect myself too.
Who are you? Which one is the real you? I have no clue. So does your crying mother. She keeps saying she�s sorry she wasn�t there in your time of need. She�d been unwell too. That monster who called himself a father had somehow convinced them she was unfit, so you�d been left alone with him. You were just a little boy then. You couldn�t protect yourself. God only knows what had happened before a neighbour finally called the police and saved you, nearly dying from starvation and dehydration. All those bruises, broken bones...so much that an innocent soul of a child had to endure. Dr.Allen has shown me pictures of you as a child � and past police records too.
Somehow, a good part of you has survived. That�s how we met. But then he started getting in the way again. He makes you unresponsive when I call your name. Sometimes he makes you forget who you are. He tells me he�s just trying to protect you from the world, because you�re such a weakling. He says he doesn�t trust me, because I might be just like your mother � abandoning you in your time of need.
But you know it�s not true. Look, I�m still here. You know I love you and I know you love me too. He hates me because he�s afraid that he�s going to get hurt again, and that he wants to always protect you. He has done it again, when � somehow � your father got out of jail and went out looking for you. He�d killed him for you, but unfortunately using your hands. Who would believe that?
I do. I know you. I know he won�t give you up without a fight, so I ignore Dr.Allen�s strict warning about not getting too close to you. I don�t care. I only care about you.
That night, you were kicking and screaming after they�d put you in a straitjacket. I knelt down and touched your face, forcing you to look at me. Your eyes were wide with rage. It was his expression, not yours.
�Come back to me,� I pleaded, with tears in my eyes. �I know you�re in there. I don�t want him. I want you.�
You sneered, before you lost consciousness. How familiar. When your eyes were open again, you gazed at me with instant recognition. Your tears started. I hugged you closely, feeling grateful.
�You came back!�
�Anna.� I looked at you again. This time, you looked as guilty and sad as a little boy that my heart went out to you again. Please, let me protect you. You don�t need him anymore.
�Anna, it wasn�t Evan.�
�What?�
�I had to do it before the old man got to me again,� you confessed. �Evan says I�ve always been much braver than him. He�s just the one with the big mouth here.�
�Ethan??� Have I done the right thing?
Have I loved the right person all along?

R.

(Jakarta, 23/7/2014 - @Couchsurfing Writers� Club, @Anomali Cafe, Setiabudi One � from 8:00 to 11:00 pm)

 

 

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!