2013-08-07 - 10:47 p.m.
I�ve got a short holiday for Eid Mubarak. I know it�s only a week, but it�s still better than nothing. No more lack of sleep, traffic-fuelled frustration, exhaustion, worry, sickness, and stress. (Well, at least for now.) I can relax a bit more and don�t have to fight for a day off.
More importantly, I can write again...more freely. I miss doing this more often. I don�t want to give up doing this for anything else, even if �anything else� is guaranteed to make more money. Sounds crazy? Maybe.
I just know that I can no longer lie to myself and anyone anymore. I�m a writer at heart. I still enjoy teaching English, but writing has been my real passion since beginning, my true calling. That�s why I�ve been working part-time. I need something to financially sustain me before I can start really making a decent living out of writing.
And no, I don�t want it to be like this all the time. I don�t want reality to start swallowing me whole, drowning my dreams until I completely let them go or even forget them, and turning me into just another urban zombie to make ends meet. No way.
I need to be happy too.
How do I do this? This is my life I�m talking about. I only have one life to live and I want to make it right. I have to do this right, for the sake of my mental health/sanity.
God, help me...
What am I doing this holiday? Not much, but I�m trying my best to write as much as possible. Dad still needs help, as usual. There are house-chores to be done. (Honestly, I�m not really good at it despite being a woman, so there!) Ma�s got catering orders to deliver this Eid holiday. (Alhamdulillah!)
I�m surprised to say that I�m glad Mr.Narcissistic Sociopath is taking Ganesh-ku away for a holiday with his family. That means less tension and drama at home. The First Princess is at home with Gyan-ku and Gira-ku.
As long as she respects my personal space, I don�t mind helping her minding the kids for once in a while. (Who says single girls aren�t busy and doing anything important?)
I hope The Sweet Prince gets his own stable job soon after this Eid holiday. (Amen.) I�d be lying to you if I said I wasn�t worrying about him.
This is probably my last entry for now. After this, I�ll be busy celebrating Eid. We�re having relatives over again, just like last year. Ma will be needing all the help she can get. No questions asked.
I don�t know why, but I somehow have a strong feeling that it won�t rain all the time. Tears won�t fall forever. I feel that I�ve made a few changes in my life lately, little baby steps forward. First things first, one thing at a time. That�s all I know. That�s the only thing I can really do for now.
I�ve started going to the gym more regularly and watching what I eat more carefully. I�ve started going out too (as in, dating.) Nothing serious yet, just taking things slow and...well, le�t�s see where this may go. I�m not in a hurry.
Is this the effect of the short holiday? Maybe. God knows I really need and deserve this break. Some people may call this an act of �letting go� and accepting that not all things go my way. Others may refer to this as a sign of growing up or maturity.
Perhaps it�s just the restored faith I�ve lost too many times. I�m thankful that God still wants to send it back to me.
Eid Mubarak!
R.
