2013-05-28 - 8:12 p.m.
I often see my life in fragments. Pieces of different puzzles that don't always fit. Ma often says that's just how life is. Otherwise, people wouldn't be well-driven to search for purposes. (Well, sort of.)
What about me? What's my purpose? What have I become of them? What will I be later on?
Indeed, good questions.
Can one ever really live with divided loyalties? Should loyalty even be divided? How does anyone deal with that?
Or, have we all actually done that already - practically everyday of our lives? we claim to be true to one thing, when in fact we also have a hidden agenda.
Or perhaps I'm just not making much sense - simply out of boredom, tiredness, or even both.
I still can't afford to start living on my own. Why? I still have to support my family - plus I still haven't found the 'ticket' out. A job out of town or even abroad. An affordable place to live for middle-class singles in Jakarta. A side project that pays me well on a regular basis. (Freelance translator, writer, anything creative?)
The dilemma? What those (nosy) people will say. Being in this country, that is the issue.
If you choose to stay with your family, you'll sacrifice your own freedom and the real, single life you've been dreaming of. Some will say you're a good daughter (especially since Dad is still sick.) Some will say you're such a weakling coward; gutless to start living alone. No, you're not the real Ms.Independent.
Thanks a lot. That's real support, seriously.*rolls eyes*
Some will call you a selfish bitch, an ungrateful daughter if you choose to leave - even when they absolutely have no idea just how it feels. It doesn't even matter if you explain to them that doesn't mean you stop taking care of your family. Who the hell are they, anyway? What the hell do they really know?
This is also the time when you've made up your mind. For too long you've abandoned your true calling, and now you're dying to make it a real, profitable career...no matter how and what.
R.
