Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries

2013-05-08 - 8:44 p.m.

I've always loved writing since I was a kid. At first I thought it had something to do with my love for books and stories. Most people I know (who also know me back, of course) say it's related to my unusually creative mind - which often leads to having somewhat, vivid imagination. I know I've never been a whiz, like I never was an ace student. In fact, my ADD (Attention-Deficit Disorder) had never been properly diagnosed until about two or three years ago. No joke. I came across this book about child psychiatry and learned the truth after a page or two on that ADD section: I used to have eight out of ten symptoms of ADD.

Too late for any types of therapy now. It's no use. I'm already too old for that anyway. (Thirty-one and still single? Yep, that's me.) I've managed to get by, one way or another. Thank God for that.

I used to fear talking. In fact, I used to consider myself a much better writer than a talker/speaker.

Actually, it's all things mentioned above...and one more.

It's my own, personal therapy. I'm glad I've been doing this consistently since I was 18. Writing has helped me a lot. It has helped me through tough times, controlling my anger and keeping it in check. It's a constant learning process. It's won me friends and - sadly - also gained enemies in the process. (It's unavoidable, so what can I say?)

Basically, it has helped me to grow and stay sane. I'm not saying this is the perfect outlet, but at least it's still better than nothing.

Somehow, I intend to keep on doing this - no matter how busy I am.

I've learned to accept the fact that there are times you just can't talk to people. No matter how close you are, even when you claim to care about each other so deeply. No, there are times when you do need to keep your cool, careful distance from each other, because...let's just face it. Nobody is perfect. Not even you.

We can never fully understand each other. That's just impossible. All we can do is try our best. The rest is up to them. That's it.

What if they insist that we should understand them more? What if they don't even care whether we're happy or not, even after all we've done for them in the past?

Well, guess what? The first person who should make you happy is you. If you expect others to do all the work, they might not be as good - and you must've skipped that first step too.

That's why I'm learning on self-maintenance even more than before. I know that, once in a while, I need to look after myself too. It's not selfish and there's nothing wrong with that. There are times when taking care of yourself first is not only important, but also a MUST! That doesn't mean you don't care about other people. No.

And no one has any rights to make you feel guilty or even judge your choices, especially when they have no idea what you've been through.

Yes, silence is still golden. Choose your battles wisely to avoid unnecessary exhaustion. Some are merely distractions from your real future goals. Stay focused. You know what to do.

There are many ways to describe this not-so-humble storyteller:

I still have the middle-child syndrome. I am the workaholic, trying to make ends meet. I often forget to maintain my social life and just have a good time. I have friends, but I try not to rely on them so much. Why? Old habits die hard. My pride still often gets in the way.

However, I've also started learning to reach out more and ask for help. It's okay to do all that as well.

I'm still a romantically-challenged skeptic. No boyfriends yet, for there's still no space for romance in my rather hectic life these days. First things first, as sad as it seems.

I'm a part-time teacher. I'm a freelance translator and writer. I'm into singing, arts, and literature. No one can separate me from my true passion.

I'm not always the leading lady. I don't often get to play the starring role. That's okay. I'm not that ambitious anyway. Some games out there are just way too big for someone like me, that I choose not to be the key player. Once you learn that everyone is expendable, it doesn't seem too hard to let go anymore...

R.

 

 

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!