2012-11-20 - 11:58 a.m.
I don't understand what's so wrong and threatening about being single and independent. Unfortunately, there will always be those people trying to cramp my style. I don't know if these also happen to other women like me, but there are three types of very disturbing people that have crossed my path.
First of all, I'm not feeling sorry for myself. I'm just stating a simple fact and wondering aloud:
What makes a girl get a boyfriend easily? (And I can't believe I'm bringing this up again. I've already given up on the thought of this long ago!) A pretty face? A perfect figure?(Well, at least according to the fashion magazines and other misleading media!) A cool personality? All of the above?
I don't know. Up to now, I still have no clue. I've heard a variety of answers all my life. Some people tell me nice girls will always get noticed, even when they don't look all pretty and glamorous. (Yeah, right.) Some other advise me not to be too nice, or I'll be so boring and not challenging. (Really? I can be a total bitch if I want to, but if I only existed as a challenge or some conquest to their eyes - then what for? What good would that do me, if they guy didn't even care about my true personality?)
Playing hard to get? I know I'm not easy, but I don't get the whole idea. I just know how to be me, whether people like it or not. Is it the same as pretending to be someone else I'm not just to lure a guy in and then...bam, drop the bomb right on his head? What??
There's also a tiring, inconsistent argument that I can never win. You see, if I don't put an effort and end up getting nothing, they'll tell me I'm not trying hard enough. However, if I do the opposite with all my might and end up getting hurt, they'll tell me I'm trying too hard.
After a long time, I've decided to just let it go. I mean, there's no point in dwelling and worrying over it, eh? I deserve to enjoy my life as it is. No one should ever dictate me on what makes me happy.
BIG MOUTHS
Bullies like big mouths are the most common ones. If it's the same old, annoying question like:"When are you getting married?" or "Where's your future husband?", I can always reply with my two-word sarcasm:"Good question."
However, once a relative had gone too far. One afternoon at our family gathering, she grinned at me and said coyly:"So when's your turn?"
"Huh?" I knew what she was trying to ask me, so I decided to play dumb. Too lazy to respond. "What do you mean?"
"When?" she demanded with a bigger grin. "Come on, when?"
"When what?" I'd secretly wished she'd just back off and leave me alone, but then she looked at my father - who was sitting on his wheelchair, all quiet and passive. (He's had a stroke for quite a while.)
"Don't you pity your dad?"
That did it. I glared sharply at her.
"What are you talking about?" I snapped at her, defensively. "My father's fine!"
Besides, what does he have to do with me 'not getting married yet'? It annoys me so much when there are people trying to make you feel guilty over something that's completely out of your hands!
However, there are much scarier kinds. Don't be surprised if you hear someone ask me this question:
"How come the only guys who show an interest in you are either desperate freaks...or stalkers?"
Good question.
STALKERS
Some years ago, I was typing my CV in a public cybercafe when someone just walked behind me, saw all my personal details on screen, and ended up stalking me. No joke. (Apparently, the internet booth wasn't secure.)
At first, I'd thought it was from friends trying to pull a stupid prank on me. It was an unknown number, with the text telling me that he was just some curious guy wanting to get to know me. I replied, asking him how he'd gotten my number and told him I wasn't pleased that my privacy had been violated.
After his honest response, I decided to ignore him because...he scared me.
The terror lasted for six months. Again, I'm not making this up. This is not some Alfred Hitchcock movie you might like to watch. Those missed calls during wee hours (around two or three in the morning) had been real. So had the nasty texts. Once I had to sleep over at work for a few days because I was really afraid to go home. He said he'd wanted to visit me and knew where I lived. He'd even mentioned my full address. Creepy.
According to him, I was an ungrateful, arrogant bitch who didn't appreciate his attention. To me, he was nothing more than just some random creep who had nothing better to do in his life than harassing women on the phone, just because he could and thought it was the most romantic thing to do. Eww.
The terror finally ended after I'd spread his number online - with the message: "This stalker has been harassing me for way too long. You're more than welcome to harass him back through this number..."
That had worked like a charm! The terror finally stopped. (Well, although I still had to spend the next three months looking over my shoulder, making sure I was really safe and whoever he was had really given up on 'begging for my attention'.)
DESPERATE FREAKS
One Sunday afternoon, I hitched on an 'ojek' (motorcycle taxi) from Blok M. The biker asked me if I was still single or not. Feeling annoyed by his very intrusive question, I shot back:"Why?"
"I seriously need a life partner." Then he started going on and on about how he'd already owned a house and a small business. How he'd been cheated on three times.
All the while, I was trying not to freak out and jump off the bike to run away as far as possible. However, I silently ordered myself to stay calm. I pretended to check my phone and exclaimed happily. I told him to change direction to Gandaria City, because my fiance was already waiting for me there with his parents. (Ha-ha, I wish!) I didn't care if he went sulking the rest of the way. Nothing personal, dude, but you're just creeping me out, I thought with disgust. He was probably asking the same question to all his female passengers. Yuck.
Eww. Ewww!
I also didn't care that he'd deliberately raised his fare in anger. Fine. Whatever. He could keep the money, but at least I didn't have to put up with him anymore. Enough is enough.
So again, how come? Why freaks and stalkers, not some decent guys? Again, good question.
I could go on and on complaining and whining with the same, lame questions:"Why? What did I do to deserve this?" Well, it's not like I've ever asked for any of this!
All I know is that I didn't deserve such social bullying and harassment. No one does, even when they're still single. I'm not easy. Just because I sometimes feel lonely doesn't mean I should settle for less. I won't take just 'anybody'. I deserve much better than that. (No arrogance intended.)
All in all, let's hope that I won't have to put up with any of these anymore, thank you very much. Enough is enough!
R.
