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2012-09-07 - 7:14 p.m.

I find myself still standing at the same crossroad of my life. Everything feels like being set to a pause, while time never stands still. How odd.

I've already known where I want to go after this. In fact, I'm dying to get there soon right now - leave the rest of my on-going problems behind for a while. I've finally made up my mind about this. At this point, I no longer care if some people call me selfish. They can't change my decision and I certainly won't let them. I've already got my parents' approval on this. Most of my best friends have supported my decision as well.:)

I know I have to really 'take care of myself' first this time. Most of people who really know me better have noticed that. I'm not well.:( I'm tired. I'm no longer in a good mental condition to stay here. I have to leave for a while or I'll go crazy.

The only problem is still the waiting game. I still haven't secured a job there yet. I also still need to finish what I've been doing; helping T sell the rest of his stuff here.-_'- So far, it's still going slow. It's still not easy.

And my sister's third baby is due next year - sometime around January or February. I'm trying to leave before that. I know that sounds awful and rude, but I have my reasons. I know what my sister's always like. I know how her husband is really like.*rolls eyes* I know how Ma keeps pampering them. Enough is enough. No way! I love their kids, but my anger towards their parents have already endangered my relationship with them.-_'- I can't hurt them too because of that. I don't want to end up doing so.

Work has been okay despite the current drama.:| For the sake of my security, I'd rather not reveal more here. All I know is that it's best to keep quiet for now until I get the new one...in Bali.

Love and romance?*sneers* Come on, let's not even go there.:p You're talking to a romantically-challenged skeptic here.

Friendship wise? Besides my parents' approval of my decision, I've also got my best friends' support. T, Mz.D, Paula, Angie, and 'Mari'.:D I think that's already good enough for me.

Hmm, what about Lady Oracle? (From now on, I've decided to nickname her this - because she relies on her 'psychic abilities' a lot.:P)

I don't know.*shrugs* I don't dare open up a lot to her anymore. It seems to me that we've already grown too out of touch with each other. Perhaps I've already grown out of her, but somehow I've been in denial that things were still the same - or at least could stay a bit that way.

Everything has changed. There's no going back to how we were before. No more. We do have to grow separately at some points. That's just life.*shrugs*

T suggests that I not take her way too seriously this time. He keeps reminding me to stay focused on what's more important; like how to get myself to Bali soon.

If I have to start from scratch in Bali, I don't want the salary to be lower than three millions. I can live with less than five for a month, as long as I keep my freelance jobs going, but not too few. I have to be critically realistic with this.

Oh, well.*sighs* We'll see. May God help me with this.

Amen.

R.

 

 

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