2012-08-31 - 2:26 p.m.
It's really, really difficult to stay focused these days.-_'- My mind is in fragments. I get distracted easily that it annoys me.>:o
Basically, I'm angry at myself now. Well, mostly.
How are things at home lately?
As promised, I'm telling you why my sister's husband is unfortunately still a pig. First, he often uses up electricity at home - like forgetting to turn off all the lights and the water pump after he finishes using them all. When Mom kindly asks around if anyone's forgotten to do so, he gets all defensive and denies it's him. Not only that, he also snaps at my sister afterwards: "Why am I being accused of doing that? It wasn't me!"
Ha!*scoffs* Bullshit!>:o Mom always knows it's always him. He's just too much of a chicken-shit and a narcissist to even admit that - like a man should.*rolls eyes*
Not only that, but I've also learned that he doesn't pay his share of the electricity bills.*gasps* Mom had accidentally blurted that out and flustered at my reaction:
"HE WHAT?!"
*rolls eyes*
I was also a bit cross last holiday, because I couldn't do my own personal business that much.:( I didn't get the chance to. I was mostly stuck at home. My own family often assumes that my business isn't as important as their - or even worse, considered non-existent. They never ask me what I want. They never ask me if I'm busy. They only ask me if I can help them and am available to do so, and the answer they always expect from me is 'yes'. If I say 'no', one of them - my manipulative sister, that is - will do the same old trick for making me feel guilty by retorting: "Fine, if you don't want to help!"
Guilt trip is not sincere love. Case closed on that.
In other words, they've been taking me for granted.:( They think that I'll always be around and never say no.
Well, not this time.*sneers* Let's see how much they'll be missing me once I'm away.
So anyway, I didn't get to help T that much with the rest of his stuff back at the apartment. My siblings had gone out earlier for the last two days of the holiday for their EO project. Fine, I could still take that. Although she's often inconsiderate with other people's schedule, at least my sister still tries hard to earn more money for her family. (See, I'm still being objective.:P) She even helped Mom by getting her more catering orders.
I'm sorry, but her husband is a cunning, manipulative bastard.>:O Those days, we all thought that he hadn't had any work schedule - because he'd looked as if he wasn't planning to go anywhere.
When my sister asked for his help to mind the boys while he was at work, he suddenly claimed that he had work to do.
Which was a total bullshit.*rolls eyes* Even Mom didn't buy it. Why? It wasn't the first time he did such thing. More than once he'd been caught still lazying around at home in the afternoon - when he's already claimed he's working in the morning. When he finally does go to work, he acts sluggishly - as if it's the most difficult thing to do. It's like, as if he owns the office.-__'- (Which he doesn't.)
In other words, he didn't want to mind his own sons - so he came up with that lame excuse. He didn't even care that Mom was already overwhelmed with the catering business and taking care of Dad - while all the house assistants were away on their Eid break. Dad has a stroke and needs a lot of help. He and his wife (my sister) never do.
A day after that, my siblings were still on the same project. What was his excuse this time? Oh, he'd promised to take the boys to their other grandparents' (his parents') in Cilandak.
Yeah, right.*rolls eyes* At first, Mom thought that he'd be taking them out as early as possible. He said they'd be going in the afternoon. Mom had even kindly lent him a Rp 100,000 for a cab, because he didn't have any money at that time. (Oh, really?*sneers*)
Guess what? In the end, he went by motorcycle - taking only the three-year-old Ganesh-ku with him. (Gyan-ku is only 1.5 years old.) He didn't even give Mom the money back, and she didn't even ask for it. ("Why, Ma?" I'd wanted to demand. "Why are you still so afraid of him? This is your house and that's your money!")
While he'd been at home earlier, you know who ended up taking care of the boys again. Come on, this is an easy guess.*sneers*
To top it all off, he still accused me sister of not taking care of her sons. Excuse me?! HER SONS?! HELLOOO??!!>:o What a shameless pig!*rolls eyes* She has to keep working harder to earn extra cash - even on holidays - because your salary is not enough. Has she ever complained to your face and demanded that you try more? Does she?? Now what can you do now?! What's your effort, you ungrateful pig?!
I don't know what to do now but keep sticking to my plan to leave. I've got to get out of here, one way or another. I'm going crazy again and I don't want to snap.:'-( I know what I'm capable of and I don't want to go back to taking diazepam again.
Most importantly, I don't want the boys to grow up to be just like their father - arrogant, spoiled, manipulative, self-centered, narcissistic, disrespectful of women, fake, and thinking it's okay to treat the mother-in-law like a fucking housemaid or even worse - a slave. No, I don't think I can afford to see them growing up to be someone I hate. Not when I love them so much.:'-( It's going to break my heart.
*deep sigh*
I know. There's not much I can do about that. This is real life. You don't always get what you want, whether you like it or not. You don't always win, no matter how hard you try. Life is not easy and never fair. So fucking what?
If my sister's child happens to be a girl this time, I'm hoping that she'll look like me, dress up like me when she grows up, talk like me, think like me, and feel like me. That'll drive them - especially him - crazy.*sneers*
Amen.*big evil grin*
R.
