2012-07-24 - 8:33 p.m.
I can't believe that it's already Ramadan (Muslims' fasting month) again. Time flies. This time it feels much faster that before.
It also feels much different this time.:( I can't deny the fact that I'm feeling kind of...sad. People come and go.
It's Jen's last week. She's flying back home to Canada to be taking her master's degree. Good luck!:)
Vince is also going back to university in his hometown New South Wales in October. He's taking politics and social studies. Good for you, mate!:)
They say it's normal at work; people come and go. Just like that.*shrugs* Earlier, we've said goodbye to my favourite Sexy Irish Lad (SIL) - Rich.*sighs* He followed his girlfriend back to Canada. Then Amos the South-African guy. Roshni the Indian girl had also left. She preferred teaching at an international school in North Jakarta.
What now? Who's next?
The hardest for me will be when T's leaving my country, flying back to his.:'-( I know that he's doing it because he has to, not because he wants to. (Well, even if he did want to, of course I'd understand.) it's family matters. Plus, he's promised his aunt Maria a trip together to Venezuela after that.:) They've already planned that long ago. I'm sure that'll be fun.
T's in Bali now. He's coming back to Jakarta this Saturday, and then going to Bandung until Monday. He's invited most of his closest friends to his post-birthday/farewell dinner on August 4 at Trattoria, Mega Kuningan at around six or seven after work. (His 35th birthday is on August 4.)
Then he's flying back home to Australia on August 7.:'-(
*deep sigh*
I know that there's not much I can do now but to let him go when it's time. He feels sad too, but a choice has been made and settled. He's planning to come back again, though. It's just a matter of when and on which occasion: work or holiday.
Things change.:( Nothing lasts forever...
I can't believe that I have to lose two best friends in a month. One because she'd chosen to leave, another because he has to.
Of course, T keeps saying that I'm not going to lose him. We both can always thank the internet for that.:P He can keep poking me on FB. I can comment on his posts. Or we can chat on Skype when we both have the time...
Still, it won't be the same.:( It won't feel the same at all.
Oh, well.*sighs* I guess that's just how reality works. We can't have it all...
She can't make me hate him all too easily.:9 Not after all he's done for me. Not after all that we've been through. I don't understand what her problem really is. (Or perhaps I shouldn't even give a damn about her anymore.) From all the shit she used to tell me about him behind his back, I think she's always expected too much from him - just like she did with me. (Basically, some people have even warned me that she did that with a lot of her other friends as well. A drama-queen - such an attention-seeker, they say.)
I know that she had a painful history with her past marriage. I don't think she's moved on completely. Why? She often still thinks and acts like a victim, thinking that no other guys would ever want her because she's not a virgin anymore. Or how she's always been so judgemental with pretty girls, thinking they're mostly brainless and just mean bitches.
I can't hate her.:'-( I mean, I'm still angry and hurt by what she'd thought of me the last time before she left. However, I don't think I can ever really hate her. No, I still care about her and I believe so does T. She's hurt him so bad this time. I know that none of us are ever perfect here, but she should've controlled her mouth better!:x
We feel sorry for her, but she can't keep doing this to herself. Running away, leaving people behind everytime they disagree with her, don't always understand her, or can't read her mind the way she does other people's? No. (And she was the one calling me a coward and a cry-baby.*rolls eyes* My dear God, I thought only high-schoolers did that to each other!)
We're all in our thirties here, for God's sake. Grow up! I can't take it anymore. She needs to fight her own battles from now on if she keeps dragging people down into her state of negativity. I'm sorry, I'm so tired here. I'm not a perfect substitute for someone else's mental punching bag! It's not fair.
My mind's still the same. I'm not going to reach out for her until she reaches out for T first - and then me! After that, we'll see what happens. I'm not vengeful, but I'm not that easy either. I can still forgive, though.
And I don't believe in any psychics 100%, even if they're my friends. I may fancy horror movies, but in the end - I choose to believe in God.
Whatever she's predicted about my family if I ever leave them for my own life, I'm not going to fall for that anymore. In fact, I'm not buying it this time! In this case, I prefer the voice the majority.
After learning that my sister is expecting her third child this time, I've realized that I just can't delay my plan any longer. I've got to move out soon before another baby is born next year. From what I've seen so far, I don't think that she and her husband are moving out anytime soon. Ha! Not by a long shot, I'm afraid.
On my last trip to Bali with T, he told me that he'd never see me look so happy - unlike in Jakarta. That's why he'd introduced me to his friends there (including two exes who still get along with him).
He was preparing me to start living on my own, thinking for myself.:) He's suggested that I try working and living in Bali alone.
And yes, I'm seriously considering that idea. In fact, I no longer feel the same, old, emotional connection with Jakarta the moment I got back. ("No surprise," T had told me.)
I think I can do this.:D Yes, I will. God help me , please. I really want to. It's about time that I did, anyway. I mean, just who the hell am I kidding, right?
I'm going to miss this school I work at, though. And some people here. I have to look at the bigger picture and do something about it.
First, secure the job. Since I'm still looking for my big break there, I need to maintain this one and take care of T while he's still around.
The amazing thing is, things have got better between Mom and I. I find myself still genuinely surprised that she's so supportive of my decision this time.:D She said it's okay, which makes it a lot easier for me. With Mom's prayers and blessings, I shouldn't fear too much.
Amen.
R.
