2011-07-31 - 7:05 p.m.
Here we are again. Another fasting month this year. The first week of Ramadan is also my term break at work. A really short one, though. I still have my morning class at Panglima Polim on Mondays and Thursdays. That's okay.:) More money and I get to meet my friend Lovely Tony there as well.
After the concert last weekend, I'm back to being a regular workaholic. So far, that's the good thing that can help me to take my mind off 'unnecessary things'. Keeping busy to stay sane and sensible, that is.:P
Tiger said his fasting month there starts on Tuesday. Well, at least I know when to send him an Eid e-card after that.;)
My good friend Leese had an amazing tour around South Korea after her research paper on EFL teaching won a competition this week.:) I'm very proud of her, because she's really that good. She's earned it.
This is the first time that I've seen her this happy in years since I've gotten to know her. I'm happy for her.:) Despite her broken home, she's managed to succeed. It's never really been easy for her, especially since - sadly - her own mother doesn't even seem to notice how wonderful her only daughter actually is.:(
I hope God will give her more miracles that she truly deserves this Ramadan.:) Leese has been a rock to herself. I'm sick of seeing her get hurt over and over by some guys who don't even deserve her attention. She deserves a real man who loves and respects her the way she is.
What miracles do I want - and need - this Ramadan?
I guess it's still the same thing. I want to be able to speak of love without feeling any pain. I want to bring myself to start believing in it again, because - as sad as this sounds - I just don't. I can't, no matter how hard I've tried. (Of course, some people might accuse me of not trying hard enough, as usual - but they often have no idea.)
All along, I only know that the good sides of love happen to other people but me. I only know that love has done nothing more than showing me that it never stays just for me. Maybe I've been so good at playing a heartbroken girl that God keeps giving me the same role over and over again. Was it something horrid and unforgivable I did in the past??
*deep sigh*
I don't know. That's all I've ever known about love so far. And btw, I still challenge God the same thing, since He's the only who can change my mind on this. I don't expect any of you to have to understand this. I'm just sick to death of the same result that I say, "Show me one damn, good reason why love is really worth it. Just one, because I don't want to sound like a nagging little girl. I'm just a bloody skeptic."
If there's still none for me, then please - make those annoyingly judgmental people out there on single women like me shut the hell up. This year, I need to go through the fasting month better than before - and I don't need anyone to start pissing me off with why the hell I'm still single. Even better, God, make them all turn away if I bug them that much.
Thank you. Forgive me for sounding so chronically bitter, but I'm sure You understand me best.
The Author
