2011-02-21 - 10:51 a.m.
Lately, I've been thinking about something in my religion's teachings. In fact, I've had a brief discussion with my friends Via and Mz.D about this. These days, it's got me thinking again.
I don't know about other religions (please, enlighten me.) If you're religious too and believe in God and the afterlife, you know what I mean here.
There are three groups of people in this life, related to fate and finding soulmates:
1.People who get the same soulmates - here and in the afterlife:
I'm sure that - if your partner is the most beautiful soul you've ever met in your whole life - you want to be reunited with him/her again in the afterlife (in heaven, of course!) However, it's all up to God's policy. It's most likely if you two do the same good deeds in His Eyes. How's that possible? Will every pair be this lucky? Don't ask me.:P I'm not the right person to answer that, and I doubt there ever will be.
2.People who get different soulmates - here and in the afterlife:
You know, like the ones who lose their significant others (e.g.through death or divorce.) They have to start over and find someone new. Or maybe the ones who don't get along well with each other while they're still together in this mortal life. It's possible. I hate to scare you, but there's a possibility that some of you may not see the same soulmates you wish in the afterlife. Why? Again, it has something to do with God's policy. That remains one big mystery. Maybe one of you commits something sinful, but the other either has no clue or is helpless about it.
Then again, we'll never know. Not in this mortal life, I'm afraid.
3.People who can only find their soulmates - in the afterlife:
Oooh.:P Spooky (especially for those who fear solitude.) However, they do exist. Newborns and children who die 'too soon' (according to us). People whose lives are cut short by death, even before they have a chance for love and relationship.
Don't forget people who live their entire lives in solitude. It's different if they choose to stay that way (either by a serious heartbreak or something else.)
How about people who go through all their lives without finding a soul to spend the rest of their lives with, no matter how hard they've tried? Does it have anything to do with them, or God just has other, much better plans for them?
Is it really true that there's someone for everyone? If that is the case, then how come there are people who get more - sometimes even without trying too hard?
I just need to know why. I just need to know which one I am, so that I can prepare myself better.
But then again, life is full of surprises.
What would you do if you found out that you were part of the Group 3 above? Would you quit trying and accept it as it was? Would you feel desperate and wonder why?
Or, would you go like me? Scared half to death when accepting love as it comes, but then having a serious personal struggle and breakdown when to let go. Then, somewhere in between your three-year-cycles or more, you keep trying to convince yourself that:"Oh, whatever. Perhaps love is just not for everybody."
*deep sigh*
I don't know.*shrugs* I don't have the answer now myself. Maybe, for some people, love will only be just a beautiful illusion that may never come true.
Even if the people who have brought those warm feelings over have been real and wonderful.:)
So, how do I play it this time?
Nanda, I love you.:) I guess you'll never know. I'm not sure whether I have to feel sorry that I never let you. There's not a day when I don't think of you or pray for you. Wherever you are now, I hope you're happy and healthy. (And I hope those rumours about drugs weren't true.)
I remember when we were in the band together, you playing guitar and I singing.:D You gave me smiles and confidence. You taught me about courage too.
I'm glad I've met you. I thank God for having introduced me to someone like you. Take care.
Joza, I love you.:) I know you've only seen me as a kid sister you never had at home, and that's okay. It's been a wonderful semester - and a fun year in a film club together.
A few people in the past have accused me for being tad shallow. Ugh, what did they know? You're handsome and that's for sure. However, that wasn't the reason why I fell for you in the first place. It was simply your kindness, your protective manner when you convinced me not to be scared of those seniors. We barely knew each other that day, yet you'd held my trembling hand. That was warm and comforting.:) I'll never forget that.
I'm sorry for having grown distant from you. It wasn't you, it was me. I didn't want you to see the sadness in my eyes and knew the reason behind it. You deserve to be happy with the one you love.
And you are. Thank God for that. Take care.
Red, I love you.:) You were there when I was on the mend and had no one to talk to. You were the very first who made me believe that someone could actually be interested in me. Your daily phone calls in the past had cheered me up. I'd felt less lonely and less miserable. Thank you.
I know I wasn't that expressive when you were around. I'm sorry. I was just confused. I wasn't sure what to do. But then, neither were you.
In the end, you chose her. Since I love both of you very much, I've chosen to step back. I guess I did the right thing, because now I can see how happy you two are together.
Take care.
I love you.:) You know who you are. I hope you're not mad at me if you read this, because I'm afraid I can't stand life if someone so nice hates me. For years, I've watched you grow from a laid-back teen into a remarkable young man. I'm glad you gave me the chance.:)
I have learned a lot from you, probably a lot more than you know. I know that sometimes you have to risk a lot for love, just to see if it's really worth it or not. I still wish I had at least half of your courage for that.
We've shared a lot in the past, maybe some weren't supposed to be. I know now that I too am capable of hurting the people I love - and I pray to God I will never do that again. I am sorry. Although you have forgiven me, it still takes a longer time for me to have completely forgiven myself. That's why I keep a bit of a distance here, something like I did with Joza back then. I need to heal myself first. But as long as we're still on speaking terms, that's all good for me.:)
Don't worry, I'll be okay.:) Just in case we don't get to hear from each other as often as I want to, I need you to know that I am incredibly proud of you. Perhaps someday we'll meet each other in better, much saner days. I don't know.*shrugs* We'll see. May God permit.
My prayers for you are still the same. You know what they are.:)
In the meantime, take care.
I love you all.:) I thank God for at least giving me a chance to have known and loved such beautiful souls as you are.
The Author/SBF/QB
