2011-02-03 - 8:04 p.m.
"There never really is a perfect friendship nor even a perfect relationship. There are only people who try their best."
I've caught a glimpse of that on the back of a book cover at a local store I went to sometime ago. It's part of an Indonesian novel synopsis. From the looks of it, it must have been (just) another melodramatic love story.
Did I buy that stuff? Nope. Did I get to have a read? No. These days aren't just the right, sane days. I'm still not in a stable mental condition to consume stuff like that.
In fact, I'm in some sort of a mental detoxification. Although I still can't let go of caffeine, at least I've quit on diazepam.
It's been the wonderful six years. Despite everything, I will always remember and cherish the good times. I know nothing is ever really forever.
Jules and Mz.D are taking me to see The CSI Exhibition at Mall of Indonesia in Kelapa Gading, North Jakarta this Saturday. They want me to get out of the house more often - to release some stress. I want that too. That's a good idea.
"You need to relax more," Red once said that to me. "You need to take care of yourself first. That's not selfish. Remember, you're important too."
I'm still searching for a morning job, or a possible scholarship/job abroad. I need to make some serious, more progressive changes in my life. Order and chaos always take turns. That happens everywhere and to everyone. Sometimes you have to start everything from scratch. That's normal, although it doesn't always feel okay. After all, we're only human here. We all make mistakes and learn from them. We've hurt others and been hurt before. Not a soul can ever really escape that in real life.
That's why we can't promise each other impossible things. "I'll always be there for you"? No, we can only say, "I'm here for you now" and mean it. All we have is now. How do we know that we're not going to be too busy for each other tomorrow, or even the next five seconds? We don't, do we? Who are we kidding here?
What else? "I'll never hurt you"? Bullshit! The only thing we can say and mean is: "I never want/mean to hurt you." That sounds more sensible and realistic too.
How about "You know you can tell me anything"? No. We all know that's never really true, because we can never tell. That's why the term "white lie" exists. That's why we often hear people say, "What they don't know won't hurt them."
So, what can I do for you, before one of us might leave tomorrow? Too bad I can't promise that I won't hurt you. We know how easily breakable that one is.
The Author/SBF/QB
