2010-12-14 - 8:47 p.m.
Last weekend, I battled the damn flu and (finally!) won again. Of course, I had to cancel attending a wedding. I believe I had made the right decision. I know I wouldn't have enjoyed it if I had gone.
Not much I did, though. I'd mostly been sleeping after taking the meds. (I guess I really needed that.:P) When I was awake, I did the usual stuff when I normally stay home. Catching up on lots of reading (newspaper, magazines, and a novel). Writing (mostly to clear off some space in my head.:P Listening to my favourite rock frequency on the local radio station (and some people still find it surprising that I can simply fall asleep through heavy metal tracks.*giggles*) Or watching a (local) cable.
Work has been...well, work. We are soon coming to the end of the term. The new one starts in January. People have been planning and making fusses about the long holiday ahead.
What about me?
No idea.*shrugs* My ATM is thinning too soon (like, again). I haven't got any specific plan yet. I don't celebrate Christmas, and I'm also not that into New Year's Eve.
Well, maybe I can just finish all the readings I can get. Or write some more and send it to magazines and stuff. I know that I haven't been doing that much lately.
There are some things I have discovered (and probably rediscovered) lately. Sometimes we claim that we are still the same, yet we also change. Sometimes we also believe that we have changed, yet deep down we remain the same. I don't know if that makes sense to you, and I am aware that I don't explain that better. For now, that's how I mentally grasp.
People are people. Do we really change overtime? Is it really a choice or something more subconscious than that - or can it be both?
If that is the case, then why do we keep on doing the same things - including repeating the same mistakes? Do old habits die that hard, even the bad ones?
What about the good things we'd like to keep for as long as we want to? Is it part of our subconscious and basic need for a comfort zone/a sense of familiarity, even when we know - deep down - that forever never truly exists in this mortal life? What can we do when such beautiful illusion ends? How are we prepared? How prepared are we?
They say you'll be much happier once you have come to accept the fact that some things can get out of our hands, despite our constant effort to control everything in our lives. Well, I have accepted that fact, yet I can't seem to describe how I feel about it these days. Is it happiness? Numbness? Indifference?
Perhaps it's ignorance.*shrugs* I don't know. Strangely, I'm just good at dismissing certain 'dangerous' feelings these days. How? Beats me. Based on past experiences, those are 'dangerous' feelings to have - knowing they'll only get me hurt in the end. So, no way. It's best not to deal with them way too much. It's much safer that way.
Believe it or not, this is also the very first time someone thinks of me as a...goth. (What??:O LOL!) No, seriously. My friend Bear, who spent eight years in Santa Monica, thought so. How come? He said it was because I loved horror tales too much and my gloominess - which makes him uneasy sometimes. (He also implied that from my dark outfits I often wear to work.) He said that if I'd been hanging out with him back in L.A. during high school years, all his friends there would have thought so too.
*giggles* Joza would laugh his head off if he heard this.
People are people. We never really know people, do we?*sneers* Recently, I have just found out that I too can be such a hideous threat for insecure people. Ha! Who, me?:O Wow.
I know my sarcasm doesn't always work.:P Don't worry, I'm past the disappointment. Now I hardly feel a thing about that particular person. Is she still a friend? Well, yeah. I guess.*shrugs* I'm not mad at her or anything, just plainly amused. Why?
Despite her vile tongue and so-called tough exterior, she's that insecure.*sneers* I'm not the only one who thinks so. She knows how to put others down when their weaknesses appear, but is angry as hell when they find out about hers. What a typical bully. Funny how I used to think I could only find those characters in school.
She has a morning side job as a film translator. When I first asked her if they had more vacancies for that, she shrugged off and said not yet - but promised to keep me posted. Not long after that, I heard from another viable source that she had offered a newbie at work. Okay. I get that. No problem.
I have already known where she works.*big evil grin* She mentioned one TV show to the newbie which I also know. I know what I am going to do, but I don't expect too much for the result.:P And I'm not doing that just to get back at her. Hell, I am way too good for that! I can still do other stuff too, remember?
Still, I won't be missing her at all when she resigns from her teaching job at the end of this year. It's not like she ever really enjoyed it anyway.:P I mean, it was deadly obvious. She complained a lot about salary and stuff!
These days, I tend to pay more attention to what people don't say - instead of the things they bring up. Thankfully, I am now more sensible to just observe...silently.
The Author/SBF/QB
