2010-11-07 - 7:41 p.m.
Sometimes I hate myself for being so bloody weak.:( This has been a sore point since my childhood. Mom used to tell the whole world that: "If it's her sister, she can stand the whole day without a morsel. When the day ends, she then says she's hungry and eats lots. But she never gains more weight nor falls ill because of that."
Good for her, then.:| When it came to talking about me, Mom would go something like this:
"If she passes her meal time, she gets so pale and powerless that we have to rush for something she can eat quick - or else she'll get sick. She can't miss a meal time or else it'll be a disaster for her."
Thanks, Mom.:( That's always been me. Up until now, I am still disappointed with myself. When I was a kid, some people who didn't know about this were insensitive enough. They'd make corny jokes like: "No wonder you're so fat. All you ever think about is food."
Some who knew were genuinely surprised. They even refused to believe it. They'd say stuff like: "How come? I thought you were strong enough, because you're so big."
Ha-ha.*sneers* I wonder if there really is a correlation between being 'big' (or 'fat', the word they prefer more often *rolls eyes*) and the ability to miss your meal time without wanting to faint. Seriously, people can be so bloody stupid and judgemental.
Crash diet only leads me to ER. No shit. Been there, felt that. Enough is enough. The doctors' observations were always with the same conclusion: a drastic, sudden drop of blood pressure!
Dad used to think of it as one of my unbearable weaknesses. ("You have to be strong and never show any sign of weakness.") Nothing new. I swear to you, when it happened in public, he seemed more upset and embarrassed than concerned. It was as if I'd ruined the fun or his image or some sort.
So, if you are into prissy princesses who fret about their weight and only order salad and non-fat stuff for your date, then don't look for me. I am not risking my health for some sick, shallow-minded people who won't accept me for all of me.
There.:P I've said it. That comes from a girl who prefers a box of chocolate over a bouquet of flowers from any guy. (Of course, silly! I don't eat flowers.*big evil grin*)
Anyway, I've just turned 29 on November 4. Happy birthday to me.:D I got new shoes from my sister and my aunt. My brother was the very first person who congratulated me. Mom made her famous Javanese dish: a 'tumpeng' (consisted of coconut flavoured yellow rice, roasted chicken, spicy eggs, potato buns, some livers, and beef. Mega yummy!:D)
Friday happened to be the most exhausting day of the week.:( I'd been teaching since morning. Thankfully, we shortened the five o'clock classes. It was the school's 33rd anniversary. There was a special concert in Senayan that night. Most of us went there.
Unfortunately, the traffic had been hellish. Panda sat next to the driver while the ladies were squeezed in the back (Selvi, Evelynth, Pitbull, and me!) Totally cramped! Sheer torture, because I was hungry too. I'd tried to block out the feeling by joking around with them to pass the time. (Yes, we even took pictures of each other in there.*giggles*) But soon the migraine got the best of me.:(
I guess that's why I didn't enjoy the night that much. Even Panda's pizza bread didn't help. It was already too late! Plus, the hot dog behind the building was ridiculously expensive. No way! I had only Rp 21,000 left in my wallet.
How was the show? So so, I guess. But then, I'm never too crazy about teen, bubblegum pop princesses. I prefer rock musicians. Nothing personal, just my personal taste.:P
More friends joined us. Bear. Gigi and her funny artist boyfriend Froggy. By then, I couldn't take the headache anymore. I sat leaning back against the wall and closed my eyes. I guess I must've dozed off for a while, despite the noise from the stage and the loud buzz in my ears. So dizzy.:( My eyes were photosensitive again. I half-opened them when I felt something warm draped around me. I vaguely saw our petite receptionist Indah, but could barely make out what she was saying. I noticed that it was her red jacket on me. Good. The AC in the building was too cold for my condition.
After the show, I staggered outside with them, unable to think clearly. I had to concentrate repeating the words inside my head:
Don't throw up. Don't faint. Do none of both...
While they were still discussing where to eat for our late dinner (it was already past eleven!), one of them told me to sit down and I did. When Pitbull introduced me to a seriously handsome teacher named Reza from another branch school in Sawangan, I silently cursed myself for being too sick to give him a better first impression. But then again, so what if he found out that I found him attractive? It's not like I'm actually going to chase him or some sort. Who says only guys can be that obvious to girls, but not the other way around?:P
I think I'm lucky that I've found the right friends. I must've worried Bear in his car on our way to East Lot for dinner, because I heard him telling me this:
"Go to sleep, Kitty. I'll wake you up when we get there."
Dinner felt like an injection of strength. Fried rice and sausages saved me!:D After midnight, Bear dropped me off in Tanah Kusir, because he still had to meet his fiancee Decee somewhere. I caught a cab straight home.
I had to ditch my hang out plan with Gigi, Froggy, and their friends on Saturday night. My head was still spinning and I needed more sleep. I'd rather not risk it.
The Author/SBF
