2010-09-25 - 3:30 p.m.
Dear Sam, I always wait for your "Parody" column in Kompas every Sunday. Your writings have always inspired me personally. They are witty, honest, and downright sarcastic at times. Not everybody can accept the harsh, brutal honesty and you simply write it as it is. I have found myself connected with your last topic "Trying". Once again, you were brave enough to reveal your vulnerability as you spoke of your bitter past. Many choose to pretend it never existed, but we both know how denial can do to you. You are not the only one. I grew up a disappointment to my father, mostly. Even when I was in kindergarten, nobody had bothered to at least try to understand me. I hardly acted like their expectations of 'what a normal kid my age should behave', so I got into a lot of troubles. In the end, one teacher even suggested that my parents seek a child therapist/psychiatrist for me, because I had abnormally been such a handful. However, both my still working parents refused that, either believing that I was not that 'bad' - or they feared what might have been revealed about me if they had chosen that. I was also never an ace student. They all praised my older sister for her better grades a lot in the same schools and wondered more about me. Why? Why couldn't I be more like her? What was wrong with me? What was so wrong about me? I had to admit that those questions had haunted me for years. Sometimes, if I am not careful enough with myself, they can still creep in to distract me. Just like you, I got the same reaction from my father. "Other kids can do that and get better grades. Why can't you?" was one of his favourite lines thrown at me. Even when I had tried my best, he still thought I was not trying hard enough. He would have only acknowledged my success if the results had satisfied him - not my efforts. I had never heard him or anyone else tell me that at least I had done my best in class. Honestly, I hate how Indonesians still categorize forms of subjects these days. Believe me, Sam, some things have not really changed here - even after John Gardner's theory on multiple intelligences has been introduced. They still think only students who ace in math and sciences (chemistry, physics, and biology) are the smart and successful ones. What about those who are good at social studies (economy, anthropology, sociology, and history)? What about those who marvel in arts and literature? Why do many people here still see them as less important, less smart, and less successful? Don't they know that back in the old age, Ibnu Sina (or Avicenna, by Western tongue) was not just into math and medicine, but also wrote poetry? Don't they even care? Aren't they aware that geography is actually a beautiful mixture of math, science, and social studies? A friend of mine believes that all forms of subjects are actually connected to one another. So do I. Wouldn't it be so nice if all were equally appreciated, in order to make a better world and tear down all unnecessary exclusions? So we all can help each other and avoid such ugly arrogance towards one another. Still, it is one hell of a long road over there, my friend. But we never stop trying, do we? There is always even a glimmer of hope, for as long as we breathe. As a teacher, I still sense some of my teenage students' on-going frustrations about how their parents push them so much to become something by their standard of success - often without giving them a break and realizing their true potentials. When I ask the students about what they want to be when they grow up, I still hear: "My parents want me to be..." Then I have to repeat my questions with a little emphasis: "No, what do YOU really, really want?" After all, it is their life. Soon they will have to stand on their own feet and make decisions for themselves. Parents cannot always be around for them, even when they want to. Nobody can. That is just life. We have seen it a lot, but sadly still - not many of us dare take a stand and do something about it. Make a difference, even a little. Because of the goal-orientation thing, the process is often barely appreciated nor even recognized. Students cheat on exams to get their top grades without fully grasping the true essence of the knowledge. People tend to take the easy way out at work, so that is why corruption never fades - especially in the government. Those who earn quick and easy - often without having to try too hard at all - tend to take things for granted and have a harder time accepting failures and rejections if they are not careful. I refuse to believe that nice guys who finish last are all-time losers, because I have seen most of them who still accept failures and appreciate their journey, their efforts at least. After all, don't we all have to start from nothing to become something? I understand that not everybody can escape their past scars easily. That is not something shameful to admit - we all have that. All good things take time. Actor Jeremy Piven (who started gaining recognition at the age of 40 while his actor best friend John Cusack has started a lot earlier) once said to Glamour:"You bloom when you are ready." I believe that also means that we create our own trajectory and measure our own success. Not them, not anyone else. Each of us has our own role to fulfill. Good or bad, it all starts from us. I think we are right where we are today. They cannot hurt us anymore, unless we let them. Believe it or not, I am certain that your writing has inspired people who read it. Maybe, just maybe - somewhere out there, there are parents who think deeply about what you have written and carefully pick their words before communicating with their children. Cheers and keep on writing. love, The Author/SBF *Samuel Mulia is a weekly, feature columnist in Kompas newspaper.
