2010-06-07 - 5:42 a.m.
Time flies, no matter how cliche that sounds. I can also say this:
I hate summer.:( It feels so long. I also get sick easily during midyear. How come? I don't know. All I know is that has ruined my productivity two weeks ago. I hated it. I had to waste my term break in bed and not do anything else. I had a seriously annoying headache, back-pain, and felt extremely nauseaous (sp?). All at once. I'd raided all the painkillers I could find at home and slept most of the time.:( My nightmares were the same and very unpleasant too.
In my dreams, I kept seeing the twisted, evil version of Stupid Cupid.:P No kidding. (Please don't call this a cliche too - even as a joke or a half of it - because I'm just not in the mood to hear that. Even if you're one of the people I love, I can still have the evil urge to smack you if you say that to my face. I mean it.:|)
Right, so where was I? Ah, Evil Stupid Cupid.*big evil grin*
Anyway, he was standing over me in my dark room (I guess) as I was lying down in bed. (Trust me, it's nothing like what you think.*sneers*) He was sneering at me with an evil glint in his eyes. I tried to get up, but something invisibly strong strapped me.
Then he showed me a big, pink heart in his hand. He bared his teeth menacingly.
"You think you can get away easily from this, can you?" His voice was husky, with a sense of mockery and personal offense in his tone. I glared at the pink heart in his hand and somehow managed a sneer back at him.
"You mean...that?" I snorted. But then, to my surprise, the pink heart started beating - as if it were alive. "What the hell is that?"
"You know what this is," he challenged me sarcastically. "You're just too much of a coward to acknowledge it."
A coward?? I felt my fury rising. How dare he!:x
"I am sick of your mean jokes and twisted games," I hissed. "I hate you. Stop giving me these sick illusions and poison. I hate you. I hate you. You just love hurting me this way again and again and I am such a stupid, gullible bitch into believing that someday you're going to be nicer to me for real and for good - not just temporarily."
He fell silent. For a moment, he looked as if I'd just slapped him hard in the face. He looked as if I was going to cry, when in fact I was the one supposed to cry.
"It's just something that had to happen to you," he suddenly reasoned, but I cut in before he could say more. I was already too angry to even care.
"That's all you've got for an explanation? That I deserved all that shit??" When he didn't answer, I went on, "You think that's fair? Can you really blame me for thinking what I am thinking now about the idea of...that??"
Silence again. This time, he just looked...expressionless. He shoved the pink heart to my face, a little too close.
"This is not about who's to blame, or right and wrong." Then he squeezed the heart tighter and I began hyperventilating. His sharp fingernails dug deep into it, spilling fresh, red human blood out onto me.
After that, he suddenly crushed it harder. Splat! I saw red...then black...and then...
...my room. I woke up to find it swaying heavily. Oh, shit. Vertigo. Not this roller-coaster ride again.:( My gut was burning. I shut my eyes and opened them again. The swaying slowed down a bit. Was that a ceiling...or the floor?
Oh, whatever.
When I tried to get up, the sickness went from gut up to my throat. Uh-oh. I staggered to my bathroom and had to send my previous meal into the sink. Yuck.
Okay, that was most of that horrible week.
How was the first week at work? The usual drill. Not much to say.*shrugs*
At least they'd moved the TOEIC test schedule to June 5.:) I had to crash overnight at Aunt Ria's in Warung Buncit before to avoid possible traffic jam in Pancoran. After all, weekends are often unpredictable. You can expect half the city roll around on the streets.
And I was right. Gigi and I had trouble tackling the traffic on our way to the karaoke lounge after the test, even on her motorcycle. At least we finally got there and spent like, three hours singing and goofing around. Her friend Wiwied joined us sometime around that time. He's a quiet, okay short guy.
Why do I still hang out with Gigi - even right after our past, used-to-be close friendship had been seriously damaged by her own craziness and her psychotic old boyfriend?
Perhaps it's because I've finally been able to sort of dismiss my own feelings. I mean, I've seen people do that to each other more these days. Why the hell should I give a damn so much anymore? They are right. Being too kind simply gets you nowhere and feeling too much just paralyzes you. It is time to be more logical and rational. I need to get myself on autopilot mode again. That is the only way I know to be strong these days.
Of course, she said she still wanted to clear some things up with me about...him. Sure, whatever.*shrugs* But if she ever defends him again or even makes up any excuses about all she's done before, I won't put up with any of it. No way.
If I often make it easier on people and let them have things their way, then why do most of them still think I am being difficult to them? Strange.
Now excuse me, I must catch up on work. I am so left behind these days.
The Author
