2010-3-28 - 11:00 p.m.
Why is it so hard to find some time to just really write? And why is it so bloody important to me?
I don't know.*deep sigh* I'm not sure either. I've been so busy lately. (A cliche excuse?) Everything seems to be in autopilot. Stagnant and redundant. Lack of element of surprise.
It also feels that what I've really been doing lately is (try to) catch up with everything. So little time, too much to do. (However, somehow I refuse to cut down on the amount of work. I need to keep myself occupied.)
It's either time that betrays me, or my lack of management - the typical human error. I can't help but thinking:
"Growing up is scary, but growing old is scarier. Despite of what we may have gained so far, we have also lost so many things in the process."
Before we know it, it has already been done. It has already happened and it can never repeat. That is time.
How was my first week at work? The usual stuff. Some kids are okay, some are lazy brats. Some are ignorant, some are demanding.*shrugs*
I've finally told Mz.D about 'Kira' - and she just cracked up, telling me that the lazy, prissy princess had always been nothing but trouble to everybody at work there. She quit her job because none of her colleagues trusted her enough anymore with any tasks - even the smallest bits.
No wonder. No surprise.*rolls eyes*
Well, at least I've got another great offer for me at work.:D My CAE teacher Amber thought my voice (especially since I'm pretty good at copying accents :P) was good for her recent project - a new character for a children's multimedia material. It's been a long time since I really put myself into acting. Plus, I'll get to be a kid again, even for a short time.:) I need that. No problem.
I hope the money's really good, because - well, I'm just being reasonable and realistic here. We all need good money, don't we? But hey, at least it's still good to be noticed. You don't get that a lot these days, no matter what you do. That may sound bitter, but I'm only speaking of the harsh truth.
My old high school friend Taufik surprisingly showed up at squash practice on Saturday afternoon. Cool.:) A little glimpse down the memory lane. He's always been an okay guy, although we hardly know each other that well. He's always been just the tallest kid in class.
I could say I was pretty hyped up last Saturday.:) Most of the other girls in my brother's crowd hardly seem to like sweating a lot. They usually do one set or so, and then let others take their turns while they sit and engage with their BlackBerry phones. (Not Dindi, though.:) My brother's girl is an active, tomboyish basketball athlete - and she only warms the bench when she is really, really sick.)
Don't get me wrong, I like those girls.:) They're okay.
Me?? I've got a lot to catch up, so I don't care if I have to sweat a lot. In fact, I didn't care that the seriously cute guy (tall, with thick, dark eyebrows and glasses!:P) next field saw me running, jumping, and sweating like a pig.*big evil grin* I'm in it for the real sport!
I also met Red for a while after squash, just in case I don't get to see him again before he flies home on April 5. Isn't it ironic that he's finally become one of the greatest friends who really listens to and understands me these days?:) I should thank God for that, right? (Like I've seen so many times, I'm only good at being a friend - not exactly a girlfriend material to any of these guys.) It's hard to find people who really understand you these days. I may not always be that lucky to find them again.
My work contract will end by May 2010. I'd like to extend it, but I am thinking about experiencing a whole new environment. I mean, I've been wanting to do that all my life. Being the real Ms.Independent. I can't get myself stuck in the same place for too damn long and all the freaking time. It just doesn't feel right anymore. I am seriously tired, a ticking time bomb aching to explode.
If everything around you works in autopilot, is it wrong to wonder and find out what is missing?
The Author
