2010-01-07 - 7:21 p.m.
"Just so you know that I've removed her from my Facebook account."
At last, we've finally come to the most unavoidable outcome. You can definitely call this one of the (most unwanted) changes in my life. There is nothing I can really do about it but to accept it as it is. It's just life. I don't have to always like it.
It took some time for me, but I've finally come to terms with it. I don't know how and why (or whether this is just temporary or else.)*shrugs* Maybe I have learned to deal with the fact that not everything always goes your way. Or perhaps I'm just either cold or numb, or even both. I find myself not giving a damn way too much about it anymore. I am emotionally...flat about it.
Is that a good thing or not? I don't know. You tell me.
I can understand why the girls Pitbull and Gullible Girl's old junior high school (used to be) pal Uthie were upset. It turns out that it's been her all along. I know that low self-confidence can somehow get you to this point, especially if you're not careful and you also hang around the wrong crowd. It just gets you that easy.
Can I consider myself lucky, or every soul is just different? I am still a feisty, temperamental tomboy. I may not have any boyfriend now. I am also still The (Misunderstood) Ms.Independent, just because most of them get the (not so accurate) impression that I don't need anyone at all. I'm pretty much free.
The point is, so what? I've been bullied too before - even by a junior high school teacher who clearly implied that (he thought) my sister was much better-looking than me.*rolls eyes* (And I was glad when he got laid off by the time I entered the final year.:P) Ha! Big deal. Maybe I was lucky because I got to meet the right people, really good friends who always supported me - not just some 'right'/'in' crowd to make someone look and feel cool.
However, sooner or later - with or without (the right) support - one must stand up for themselves. (True) confidence and happiness start from within. I am not going to be a total hypocrite about this. Even the lonely tomboy needs a decent boyfriend.:P There. I've just said it.*sneers*
But I also know another thing. There is something worse than just being lonely. It's letting yourself be stuck with someone who thinks they love you the best way, just because you believe that you have no other options. It is putting up with their ill-attitudes towards you and other people around you just to make themselves feel much better and less inadequate about themselves. It's the belief that the other person is the one and only who loves you and makes you believe you are worthy and beautiful despite their constant short-comings other less-blinded people get to see. Forget college degree, forget common sense. Forget logic and sanity. We are all aware of their sudden absence once love sets in. Everything seems picture-perfect in the most romantic haze. But once the true colours start re-emerging, which do we (want to) believe in? Which will we (choose to) hold on to?
I can be grateful that I am safe so far. Hope I will always be from those things. I mean, seriously. I thank God that I don't have to deal with a jealous, possessive freak of a boyfriend who constantly stalks behind my back like a starving bloodhound. Maybe that's what she wants all along. But me? If a guy ever treats me like a bet he has to win for our relationship, I'll be seriously enraged with him. No decent human beings should ever treat others and be treated like some 'trophies'. A relationship status is not supposed to be just an achievement for one's ego. It is a whole lot more than that.
But then again, I don't have to like everything. At times like this, it is always the best to stay (deadly) quiet and (act) oblivious.:P
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