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2009-09-23 - 4:13 a.m.

In the real world, the magic of our childhood disappears quickly. Right before our very eyes, too soon to realize. In the end, all heroes must die or fade away - and fairies are only mythical lies.
Grandpa existed as one of my magical elements in my childhood. Or maybe I've always been overly imaginative and not connecting to reality. Countless trips to our favourite restaurants and baker's shops with Grandma - sometimes also with the siblings and other cousins. Eating chocolate ice cream in the hot sunny days after school, while Mom and Dad were still busy at work. Grandpa and Grandma, once a perfect item of spoilers for their rowdy grandchildren. Through my childlike eyes, at least, they seemed to have come out alive from a children's storybook page. Their old house in Panglima Polim - a two-story building - was once a sanctuary for the kids after school and also a source of our silly, make-believe adventure on weekends.:) If Grandma hadn't looked for us, we'd have safely risked our little necks sitting on the roof of the house - staring at the sky. I'd always wanted to join the boys there before she'd yell at us to come down right away.
Those were the good, old days. Those were the times when I didn't have to worry about growing up too soon, falling in love with the wrong boys who'd end up breaking my hearts all over again - for too many times. I just had to worry about school, enjoy my English class and Grandma's delicious fried rice with extra cheese. Or talk about movies and shows on TV with Grandpa, who was so fascinated at how much I loved horror stories. He'd said I was brave. (I don't know now.) Or smile at his support with my writing hobby and singing talent when most people thought I was merely a daydreamer.
Then years went by so fast; all kids turned into anxious, mostly self-absorbed teenagers with tons of schoolwork, more friends to hang out with, and stupid puppy love to laugh about in their next adult years. That was okay, we'd thought, we could still see Grandpa and Grandma on weekends. Then college years came and we drifted even more apart. Even good, simple things had to end somehow. Sad but true. 'That's just life' has always been our most favourite excuse to let chances roll by, accidentally or else.
Then Grandma had to battle the breast cancer. She passed away sometime after my college graduation, leaving Grandpa in complete distress. (How does it feel to have to lose a soulmate that way? Can you still breathe freely for another day?) It took some more time to make him smile again, but maybe some old wounds could never be completely healed.
Then his health started to deteriorate, and more trips to the hospitals were made. We all knew that all he'd ever wanted was to have a complete family gathering all over again, just like the old days when we still had (enough/available???) time.
How does it feel to know how easily replaceable we are, even when the people we love have promised us that they'll always be there?
The last time Grandpa was in a coma, Mom asked me to whisper in his ear:
"It's okay, Grandpa. You can go. Please forgive our mistakes."
But most importantly, we love you and will always miss you...

In Memoriam

Commissioner Soelaeman Soekardi
August 8,1928 - September 21, 2009

The Author

 

 

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