2009-05-07 - 8:24 p.m.
It was raining quite a lot a couple of nights ago. I'd just gotten out of my favourite 'net-bar' at ten and had to wait by the front porch with some other people. It was windy too, but I didn't mind at all. I pretty much enjoyed the cool, soft sprinkles on my face. It felt really refreshing in this usually humid area.
However, Mom complained about my late-night arrival at home again. (She still doesn't understand that it's the only quiet, peaceful "me-time" I can get these days.) She called me on my cellphone and I told her I'd had to wait for the rain to stop. She said okay and then hung up. The next thing I knew, she called back and told me to wait for my brother there. I just said okay and she hung up again.
She knows I barely request for anyone to pick me up at night - especially these days. I guess parents just have to handle each child differently. Some still need extra attention, while others are okay to be left alone. Besides, I also enjoy my solitude. It helps me to think more clearly. It helps me to concentrate better.
Well, to be honest, the last two times I'd really, really felt close to Mom were the time when I had to deal with the dentist...and Pumpkin's funeral last January.
The rain also reminded me of Pumpkin's funeral. It had been raining too, until my old black shoes were caked with mud. (And I never wear them again.) I remember Mom calling my cousin Andin because I'd been too shocked by the news to even speak. Then she drove me over to Cinere, although she couldn't stay long because she had catering orders to handle.
And that night too, I came home from the funeral in a cab - all soaked and wet from the rain. By the time I got home, Mom told me to change and consume aspirin and drink something warm immediately. (And I had.) After that, she asked me about Pumpkin's funeral. I couldn't keep my voice from shaking I started to cry again...for the third time that day. She only rubbed my back gently, telling me not to burden my best friend's spirit anymore with my grief over his death.
She didn't hug me, though. But then, there have been hardly any hugs in my family - for as long as I remember.
Then there was the deal with the dentist. She'd taken me there and warned me not to scream during surgery, before she left me with the dentist. But she also paid for my bills when she found out I didn't have enough in my ATM. (There weren't too many classes for me.) For the record, I never asked.
Maybe the lesson is easier to understand here. Never, ever take things for granted. Sometimes it's a good thing for you not to get everything you want all the time. Because once you do get what you want, you'll get to appreciate it more. Take it while you still can. Enjoy while it lasts. After all, who can ever really promise forever here - much less tomorrow?
A couple of nights ago, Pumpkin also came into my dream. Maybe he knew I was thinking of him, or maybe he was worried. It looked as if I was in our college reunion - somewhere in a large, brightly-lit room. I saw familiar faces everywhere - our old friends from the past. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and I answered it. He was standing tall right in front of me - all dressed in white and smiling at me. I'd never seen him look so happy.
Then Pumpkin hugged me - just like old times, when all we'd ever had to do was worried about paper deadlines and whether we could get all A's on one last semester. However, I couldn't feel him this time. He felt more like a cool breeze to me.
"You're not coming in?" I asked him, but he just smiled. I heard somebody in the room play his favourite Destiny's Child song. It was..."Survivor".
Somehow, my dearest friend Pumpkin was trying to tell me something.:) And I think I know. I feel it...
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