2009-04-03 - 9:06 p.m.
We've finally got news about Mada yesterday. Panji, one of the boys in my five o'clock class, said he'd watched the afternoon news. He saw Mada's picture and name.
No, he didn't make it.:| Another young soul passed away.
...........................
*deep sigh*
But the good thing is, another student named Tasha survived.:) I know her too. She's a friend of Vani and was in the same class before. She's a fan of Avenged Sevenfold. Most guys in her class love teasing her until she goes red in the face and protests, but I know the boys actually care about her. They're her good friends.
It's been a week since the disaster in Situ Gintung. A whole week of flying dust aall around Ciputat area, so my allergy's been kicking in like crazy.:| I've bought Actifed to help me to get rid of the dust in my throat. Itchy.:( So far, it only makes me feel sleepy. Do you think it's dangerous for me to mix it up with coffee?:P
And I can't believe that I'm saying this once again:
G was acting out...AGAIN! (Huh, again??) Yes, again! GRRH!!:x
Okay, it happened yesterday morning. I woke up early to prepare for the day. Then I relaxed for a while. With my brother, we were watching the re-run of "Dude, Where's My Car?" on TV and laughing. (Okay, I know it's a stupid, senseless comedy.) I was sure that we were laughing equally hard, but suddenly my sister burst out of her room and glared at me. Note this again: ONLY at me.
"****, stop shouting!" she snapped at me. "My husband's still asleep and now he's mad at me!"
Then she left without another word. My brother and I fell silent. I was too shocked to respond.
WTF?!:x
By the time everyone was away - except Dad and...ugh, him, of course - I dragged a chair against the floor as loud as possible. Screeech! Whatever. I did that on purpose. Then I went to my room, let the door open, and cranked up my Hoobastank CD!*big evil grin* I didn't care. Call me childish or anything. It was nine o'clock in the morning, for God's sake! It's also my house. I've lived there long enough even before he ever stepped in. Just what the fuck was his problem anyway? He had a night-shift at work before? Well, so do I - almost every freaking day! Why doesn't he get some sleeping pills or ear plugs for that? Besides, was he too much of a coward to just come right out and say it straight to my face?? Why does he always need 'messengers' for that? What is he - some sort of an emperor-wannabe? How bloody pathetic!
First, he's always been hiding behind Mom - and now my sister??*sneers* Can I still call him a real man??? Can I still even consider him a man at all??
What's next, then? He'll start alienating Dad and my brother to go AGAINST ME?! WHAT??! Oh, wait. I forgot. He already has. He's practically controlling my family under his freaking thumb!:x
But he can't control me.*sneers* He can't 'touch' me. I won't let him. I'll never let him tell me what to do in my family's house - where I grew up. I mean, look. After all these years, G is still a fucking coward when it comes to talking to me. What more can I say?
Oh, yeah. There are lots. He always smokes at the dining table after dinner while I'm still eating, but I never let out a protest. He laughs like a 'Buto Ijo' (a Javanese ogre, haha!) but I say nothing. He hogs the TV in the living room all to himself, I simply escape to my room. It's just that simple. Let him have it. I can survive alone at my own, private 'sanctuary' - either with a radio or a book or even both.
And guess what? After my family's car was stolen, he's planning to get a dog - eventhough I'M ALLERGIC TO ANIMAL HAIR! Don't get me wrong, I still love cats and dogs, but that's not the point. He has a full-time job at the TV station. (Does he expect other people at home to take care of it while he's away???)
Now who's not being considerate enough here? Me???
I've accepted the fact that my sister will always be the (more) precious, darling daughter. I've been trying not to bother too much about him while he's around too. Let him do whatever the hell he likes. Let him have all the special 'priviledges' he thinks he deserves. Let Mom keep thinking - no, believing - that G is the most perfect son-in-law she's ever found here on earth. Frankly, I've had enough of that whole shit already. I'm fucking tired here. I can always just keep quiet and bury the hurt inside. That's all I ever do these days. Pretending. It's always been me and my personal business these days. That's it.
But sadly, he just won't quit bugging me, will he?:( He thinks I'll soon joining the others in praising him. He thinks I will easily obey him like they do. Well, that's not going to happen, ever. This is not how to earn (my) respect. He can always kiss up to Mom and everybody, but just NOT me. No fucking way.
I just want him to leave me alone. LEAVE. ME. ALONE. But if this keeps happening, I'm the one who must leave A.S.A.P. My friend Shanti said it's the nature's law already - that in-laws don't always get along under the same roof. Gigi and Jules worry about me, because I somehow switch personality in the less normal way these days. A quiet girl among the family, the real me in public...
I can't stay here any longer.:( I must leave...permanently.
That's why I'm still searching for a morning job besides teaching in the afternoon and the evening. I need to escape...
The Author
