Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries

2009-03-15 - 8:28 p.m.

"The devil within is the hardest to conquer."

I remember a question from a friend. He's not into any kind of religions but still respectful to those who are - unless if they are imposers. He once asked me this: "Do you consider yourself 'devout'?"
I fell silent for a moment, not knowing how to answer that. Do I? Then, after quite a long, uncomfortable hesitation, I gently told him: "I don't know. In fact, I'm afraid I don't have the answer." Of course, that answer belongs to God - not any mortals here on earth. We don't know everything, no matter how smart (we'd like to believe) we are. It's just not our capacity to answer that.
"I'm sorry," he apologized. "That was a stupid question."
"No, of course it isn't." Because I keep asking myself that. Silently, of course. I've learned just how annoying it can be when someone is desperately seeking acknowledgement and even praise from society - mostly by showing off their 'so-called' pure good deeds. It's the "hey-look-at-me-I'm-the-good-guy" attitude. It's like dying to prove the world that they're better than the rest. And for what?
Where are we now? What have we become? How much has the media affected us? (And how much do we want to let it?) It can look nice and inviting in a beautifully wrapped package, but what about the inside? What happens when we unwrap it? (And do we really want to? Remember Pandora's Box?)
Having studied journalism for so long has led me to disappointment. Is it time to bid farewell to our 'so-called' idealism? (And what kind of idealism are we talking about here?) Ade Armando once said in Sociology and Communication: "The strongest, most influential party controls the media. Idealism only belongs to the newbies in journalism."
These days, should we just believe everything that we read, see, and hear? Is there always some sort of propaganda behind it - one way or another?
Election month is coming for Indonesia. Who will we vote for the next critical five years? Do we even know who to trust anymore? It's a shame that some (supposedly) religious group would like to force people to vote at least once, just because they don't want any swing voters. They claim it as a sin, but - who are they to say such thing?? It is God's prerogative to decide who's full of sin or not. Besides, they're just sinful mortals too. Human.
I once joked about my non-existent capability in politics. Maybe I'd get killed easily. In politics, hypocrites are the best survivors. You can't tell the difference between a friend or a foe anymore. In fact, there are times when we're not even sure which defines us best. We (tend to) lose ourselves. It's like fearfully wondering when Mr.Hyde will turn up soon underneath the good old Dr.Jekyll. Which mask are we wearing now? Is it our favourite, or do we just love them all?
Do we do good deedsto other people because we really want to (and that it's emotionally satisfying), or - is there something else? Playing nice and safe, until greed takes over and changes us? A promise to help in the name of pure humanity until arrogance alters our actions and gives us justifiable excuses to forget the whole deal - or even pretend the whole deal never existed in the first place? ("Uh, did I actually say that?")
Greed. Arrogance. Hypocrisy. Ignorance. They all lie within our human hearts and souls - religious or else. How do we conquer them all? It's a lifetime job, I'm afraid. It's funny how many people talk about fighting the devils they see upon others, believing what they wear already symbolizes purity and innocence. Yet the most dangerous within that silently haunts our every step - seems unreachable and somewhat ignored. Is it really unseen and forgotten, or do we just pretend not to notice?

The Author

 

 

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!