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2009-02-16 - 9:08 p.m.

I know that I haven't been writing anything here lately. I've been quite terribly exhausted. For the past week, all I ever wanted to do was just go straight home and sleep after work. I don't know why.:( I've wanted to write a lot, but felt no strength in me. My ideas are still in my head. They're still screaming at me from within, desperately wanting to get out.
In other words, I'm thinking too much. Again.:|
Or maybe it's the old scary ghost named...stress. Again.:( I mean, have you ever felt too anxious but couldn't put your finger on what might've caused it?
*deep sigh* I need to get back to my working out habit.:| This month's salary is pretty low. I had to quit my gym membership card for a while. No choice. I've got to survive the rest of this month.
But don't worry, I'll definitely be back next month. I have to if I want to stay healthy (and happier too.:P) I know that I've been (feeling) much better (about myself) with that. It's reduced my nonsensical, often unexplainable stress (which grew worse during my last PMS/PMT/whatever.:( Trust me, I was as freaky as a loud-mouthed, hellish bitch!)
And Gigi said she wanted to join me too.:D I'm sure it'll be much more fun.
Right. Where must I begin? There are so many things I want to write about here.
Tiger once told me that - in this 'so-called' modern era - it is much harder to find what's right and then just stick to it. People can say and believe whatever the hell they like without reading both sides of every story. That's just life, I guess.*shrugs* Nobody's free of offenses. All I have to do is stick to what I believe in and not let anybody take that away from me. I must also keep learning to respect people's personal spaces, for I want them all to do the same with mine. It's (supposed to be) that simple. However, even the simplest things can be easier said than done. There are always obstacles in this mortal life. It's how we deal with things that (can) make a difference.
By the way, do you know that philosophy is the most annoying subject in the world (and not just college)? No concrete answers, just more and more questions. It's one "Why?" after another.
...........................
*deep sigh*
No, I didn't take that in college. Practical subjects are much cheaper here than theoretical. This is Indonesia, after all. You can't get enough money easily (and quickly) by thinking and hoping the world would change for the better. (Yeah, right.*rolls eyes*)
I guess that's why Andrea Hirata makes much more sense in his fourth book "Maryamah Karpov". He wrote:

"Maka di negeri ini, para pemimpi adalah para pemberani. Mereka kesatria di tanah nan tak peduli. Medali harus dikalungkan di leher mereka."

(That's why in this country, the dreamers are the brave ones. They're the warriors in the land of ignorance. They must have medals around their necks.)

Well, I'm a dreamer too, perhaps. But unfortunately, I'm not always brave.:( Why? I'm also a realist/cynic. No matter what I do, I sometimes look back and around - just to make sure I'm safe. It's sensible to be more cautious, though, but it just kills the deal when you're overdoing it.
And sadly, there are times when I just can't help myself.:(
These days, it's getting harder to just keep your brave face on. The world's just getting crazier. You can't pretend that your quiet little world will always be completely safe - protected and unharmed. Sadly, no. Sometimes you're still just a scared little girl with empty pages on her lost fairy-tale book, frantically searching for her dream superhero to save her day (and her lost tale too.) But once again, damsels in distress just don't live long here.
That's why, you've got to do what you've got to do just to get by - with or without anyone by your side. That's just how it works here. It's the only way for now. You're just facing reality as it is. You know that - deep down inside - you need him so bad these days, more than ever. However, you know you won't ask him to save your life here. Why? It's been that way before. Besides, you've been taught not to burden others way too much with your pleas. Sometimes it's best to just keep quiet and do things on your own. That's why, you don't know how to reach out like anyone normally does. You don't know how to let him know that sometimes - just sometimes - even the most hard-headed tomboy needs a pair of strong arms to show her that safe, warm little place in this wretched world and convince her it's going to be okay - and it's okay to collapse and cry. Just sometimes, though.
I had that last year. I will always remember the sunny June.:)
...........................
Okay, enough with this Valentine virus!:P
Oh, speaking of Valentine's Day, I spent all Saturday with Gigi and my college friend Putri Tantia and her sister Sissy. And also with Gigi's friend Utie. Met Fitri and Gigi's friends Sari and Bagus. I also met my cousins Gadis, Isa and Isa's wife Lies at PIM - while I was waiting for my new temporary tattoo to go dry.:P Oh, yes. Another tattoo, eventhough I've promised that I'd quit after 21. Eventhough I know Tiger hates tattoos.*big evil grin*
I don't know. I just wanted to have fun and eat a lot of chocolate.:P So did Gigi, after that sleazy bastard had dumped her in the most un-gentleman way.*rolls eyes*

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