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2008-11-24 - 8:05 p.m.

How do we recognize true intelligence and logic? Are good education and knowledge enough? What about the EQ thing - or even common sense? Is it enough for - at least - one particular person to be morally sensible?
*deep sigh*
I know.:( I don't know just what the hell I'm talking about here lately. I'm not making much sense. Most of the time, I'm feeling...strangely numb on the inside.:| Other times, I'm just silently upset. I'm dead furious and terribly sad at the same time. My head is full of violence within. I feel like punching the walls until my knuckles bleed or just simply destroying everything around me. (That violent and scary, huh?)
Sometimes I dream about blood. I dream about losing my teeth and the acid taste of my own blood inside my mouth. I dream of having my nose bleed too. They say it's not a good sign if you keep dreaming about either blood, water, or even thick, brick walls.
I also dream about murder. I can still remember the plot clearly:

I'm walking home alone at night. It's afterwork, I suppose, because I'm wearing my usual work-clothes. A normal, long-sleeved shirt with a regular tee underneath. A pair of my favourite black, corduroy trousers. My shoes are always either red or black. (And yes, I do have both pairs.) I'm carrying my everyday gray backpack which I occasionally share with my brother. I'm also wearing my black bandanna.
Then, just right across the street, I see a tall, handsome man - all dressed in white. He's very beautiful I almost believe he's an angel. His face is shining brightly. It's like, his face practically lights up the dark street around us.
And he's smiling at me. I automatically stop and just gaze at him in awe, with soft but rapid beats of my heart. We're all alone there, so it's obvious that his smile is just for me.
He's still smiling as he slowly approaches me. I still stand there, waiting for him to come closer to me with my gaze fixed on him. That, until I begin to notice something eerie in him and fear starts creeping in.
As soon as he draws even closer, I notice that he's not smiling anymore. He's sneering, with a hungry, evil glint in his eyes.
I'm stunned with horror as I step back and draw in a sharp breath. Then I suddenly feel my right hand holding something solid and glance at it.
Somehow, I'm holding a Swiss army in my hand. Its blade is as sharp as Wolverine's extra steel claws.
How the hell did I get that?!
I have no time to think, because - as I look back at the man - he's not handsome anymore. Now he looks as hideous as a scary demon - especially with his hands reaching out to grab me.
I scream as I start stabbing him multiple times, almost without stopping. I can hardly recognize my own voice. Dark red blood start splattering out of his open wounds - all over the front of his white clothing, the knife, and my hand. The light in his face somehow grows dim, revealing his true horrific image. That's when I realise.
Angels don't bleed.
At last, he falls down with a loud thud as I back off. I'm heaving, my shoulders shaking violently. In my mind's eye, I see my own expression and can't help shudder - badly wanting to wake up as quickly as possible. My eyes are hardly recognizable.
There are no remorse in them, just rage and empty, cold blackness...

By the time I woke up, I still couldn't stop shuddering.
God, I hope I won't have to end up as that person in my dream.:(
Somehow, that's resulted in my insomnia...again. Lately, I've become more of a nocturnal creature. I can only sleep well sometime around after midnight, making my body as tired as possible until I sleep without having any dreams. When I'm awake alone at home at the wee hours, my eyes glue to the TV screen. (Thank you, Indovision!) I love escaping myself into "CSIs" and "Heroes" (And I love seeing my favourite hunk actor Zachary Quinto, who plays Gabriel "Sylar" Gray. Hehe.*big evil grin* I somehow still find thick, dark eyebrows sexy.:P)
To my family, I seem okay. They don't seem to know the real me here. They don't notice what I'm really feeling these days, or maybe I'm just getting good at covering things up. At work, I'm often still the crazy, cheerful personality. But I guess that's just how they'll like you more.:P I still hang out with my friends during weekends. Somehow, they manage to keep me sane.:)
I cannot believe that most people think I'm being overly paranoid with the after-effect of The Stupid Bill (UU APP). It's either they're missing the whole idea behind it, being completely ignorant, apathetic, or...stubbornly persistent that it's more than necessary to save this nation's so-called moral values. (Ha!)*rolls eyes* For those who are both missing the idea and ignorant, they're just the same. Well, not exactly a 100% here. Most of them ignore that because they're just...guys. No offense, but I'm just stating the fact here. The law can't touch them easily. Whatever they wear and do outside, they're just safe.*shrugs* For those who are apathetic, they all choose to stay numb and quiet. It's like: "Whatever. This country's going down anyway."
And I can't believe that there are even those so-called "smart" college students - even in my night class! - who agree with the word "porno-action". (Say what?*snarls*) I mean, hello! It's not even in the Oxford's dictionary. That's such an idiotic thing I've ever heard in my entire life. That dude even insisted, "Well, maybe they should add that in the dictionary." Oh, yeah. Go ahead and make that trip to UK for that. Let's see what they think of your idea.*scoffs*
Y-u-c-k.:|

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