Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries

2008-08-11 - 8:14 p.m.

What have I missed so far while completing "The Sunny June" entries? Quite a lot. My cousin's wedding on June 29 in Bandung. The party was great and I ate too much until I got sick.*blushes* Then my sister's wedding on July 6. (Yes, she finally got married to G.) All I remember was the super tight traditional Javanese outfit (the bustier was a number smaller!) that had almost made me faint, but I had to put up with it the entire day. They wondered why my expression had been a little strained - even when I smiled, I mean...winced!:P It was already harder to breathe, okay? In the name of looking all beautiful, elegant, and sexy (haha!), I'd almost killed myself!
Since then, G's been living with my family. Well, that's okay - as long as he stays away from my privacy. Meanwhile, I can concentrate more on my life. My job, my writing, and my effort to be more independent.;)
Somebody very important in my life once wondered why I wrote those "Sunny June" entries. He was even slightly afraid that I might've been obsessive with...Nick.:( To be honest, that kind of disappointed me. Why? Of all the people in the world that I know today, I expected him to understand me right away. But I guess I shouldn't expect too much from other people, no matter how much I care about them.
I wrote those entries because I don't want to forget. Yes, people. It's just that simple. I want to remember those good times, beautiful memories I'd like to treasure for life. Those were the moments when I spent some real quality time with someone I love who's coming from a distance. I want the world to know just how happy and safe he's made me feel, eventhough for only a short time. He's shown me that sometimes - it's okay to just stop fighting against the world and rest my head for a while.
I remember when I told Hani this: "I just want to hold him in my arms and wish for time to stop." You know what she said?
"You can do that in your story. Just freeze him in there."
That's exactly what I was doing. So, if it turns out that he and I don't receive God's Blessings to be together for life, then at least God's been kind enough to give us those sunny days in June.
If you were a writer too, I'm sure you'd understand better. Right...Tiger?:(
I'm still trying to understand you as much as I can too, btw. We know how love works in its strangest ways. I'm trying to understand why you've still wanted to give her another chance - even after all she's done to you in the past. You know, not many people - even guys - are really capable of that. I just hope she won't break you apart again this time. Because if the same story repeats itself, then by God I wish...
...nevermind.:| It was never my right to anyway. And I never got in your way from the very beginning. It's always been your choices. I'm just doing what any best friend must and will do.
Praying that it won't be another wrong decision that can tear you apart. Praying that - whatever may happen in the future - you'll get to grasp the happiness prepared by God, long before this entire universe ever existed. Why?
There's always a part of me that loves you dearly, but can only pray silently. It's always been that way since the very beginning...

The Author

 

 

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!