2008-08-08 - 4:56 p.m.
June 14, 2008
He woke up really late again. I didn't mind, though. Let him have enough rest. He certainly needed that.
When he finally woke up, I made him some tea again. He said he didn't want to go anywhere else again today. He must start packing - the least favourite activity for a traveler, he said. Yes, he hates that. He also became very edgy and moody that day. He talked a lot. He complained.
I mostly just listened to him. (That's what I do best, remember?) I accompanied him to the same 'net-bar' again. We had a pretty late lunch at another small dine-in next to the Padangese one we'd tried a week earlier. Thankfully, the baked chicken and rice soothed his mood a little. We had a light and pretty funny conversation there, mostly exchanging our different phrases and impressions from our own languages.
What did I tell him? Nothing. Did I tell him anything about it? No, not yet. Why? I was scared, okay? Besides, the timing was really bad. He was still in a slightly touchy mood. A serious subject like that was totally out of the question.
Okay, okay. I was just being a coward.
What did Hani say about it? Oh, good sweet Hani. She texted my cellphone:
"Ruby, if you still don't tell him that, I will kill you."
Oh, dear. She just wouldn't quit, would she? Of course, or else she'd never have been my best friend!
"But I'm scared, Han. I'd rather face a street-thug at night."
"I don't care, because I prefer you tell him that and then faint right in front of him after that!"
Ha-ha. I mean, seriously. How crazy would that be? This ain't no stupid chickflick!
--- // ---
I decided to invite Hani and Mbak Bina over to stay the night. They wanted to see Nick off at the airport the next morning too, so I figured it would be best that all of us going from the same place. Thankfully, they both agreed.
And I needed their mental support too, for real. I felt that I was going to collapse anytime soon. Falling apart on the inside was what I feared.
At night, we went have dinner at Mahimahi - a seafood restaurant at Tendean, South Jakarta - along with my family. Before that, he still had some time studying Chinese in the late afternoon. He even got to show Dad the pictures from his laptop. Dad was quite impressed with the pictures of his cute orange cat Hilary. (Indeed!)
Then Hani suddenly texted my cellphone again:
"Ruby, just hold his hand and tell him you love him!"
AAARGH!!!
I must've unconsciously groaned quite loud, because he suddenly looked up at me.
"Ruby, what's wrong?" he asked softly. I panicked.
"Uh, nothing."
On the way to Mahimahi that evening, he and I were sitting on the backseat of the car - while my parents were on the front. Dad was driving. The silence in the air was quite discomforting. Many times I snuck quick glances at his direction, but I still couldn't say a damn word. I was dead speechless. Some cat must've gotten my tongue.
So, I took out my cellphone from my sling bag and started typing:
I'M GOING TO MISS YOU.
"By the way, thanks so much for stopping by," I heard myself murmur. I finally glanced at him. "It's been great fun."
"Yeah, I've had a great time too here," he admitted with a smile that - once again - turned my knees weak like jelly. "Thanks for having me here."
"Sure thing." Oh, please say something - anything about it, I begged silently. I gave him my cellphone so he could read the message.
"I'm gonna miss you too," he said after a long pause. He looked at me seriously and returned my cellphone. "It's not something embarrassing."
I know, but Hani said you're going to tell me something else too, I thought. I felt tears flowing again, and I roughly wiped them away. I didn't want him to see me cry like that. I thanked God for darkness around us.
Then I secretly glanced at him again. To my surprise, he looked as if he was also wiping something from his eyes. My heart skipped a beat.
Was I just imagining it? Was he really crying too? Please, no. I could take just about any other pain but that.
I typed another message on my cellphone before showing it to him:
BTW, I HAVE A PROBLEM. I CAN'T TELL THE LOVED ONES HOW I REALLY FEEL ABOUT THEM.
"Do you think that's my weakness?" I asked him when he finally read it and returned my cellphone again.
"I don't know," he simply answered, his smoky-blue eyes pierced into mine.
I sighed and rested my head against the recliner of the seat. I said nothing more.
--- // ---
Dinner at Mahimahi was great. All my immediate family members were there: my parents and The Almost Twins. Even Gatot was there too, but that just didn't bother me that much. I didn't care. I was glad that he and my brother sat at the other end of the table, because they both smoke and Nick dislike it.
Surprisingly, Uncle Asoka and Aunt Ria showed up too. They were surprised to see a cute redhead sitting next to me.
And of course, I introduced that cute redhead to them. They asked him so many questions. They even teased him a little. (Aww, Nick-ku. They all told me you were tad serious that night, right after you left. I wanted them to notice your beautiful smile too, my dear.)
Then Mom suddenly told Aunt Ria about how his arrival had shocked her a lot at first. I grinned with amusement. I knew she'd thought that I was only making things up long ago.
"See, Mom?" I smirked at her. "I told you Nick was real. He's not just my imaginary friend."
They all laughed, including him. Of course, he knew just what the real problem was. I mean, he was always there for me as a great friend in need. I felt less lonely when he was around. I felt safe. I felt...belonged.
I guess that's why I really enjoyed that last dinner in Jakarta with him. It also felt as if he wasn't just a guest, but already part of the family. Especially when my sister suddenly gave him a surprise gift: a batik shirt!
"This is not a farewell gift," she told him with a smile. I'd seriously wanted to hug her, but we were sitting across from each other. "This is a welcome gift. Welcome to our family!"
"Thank you," he accepted it with a more dazzling smile. I simply felt the warmth in my heart from what I saw that night...
--- // ---
By the time the four of us returned home, Hani and Mbak Bina were already waiting for us by the front porch. They were so happy to see him, and so was he to them. I let the three of them have a chat, while I was silently struggling hard to get a grip.
I'm going to miss him a lot. God, I don't want to cry...
When he was finally asleep in my room, the girls and I gathered outside in silence. Hani looked at me seriously and said sadly: "You don't have much time left for that."
"I know."
The Author
