2008-05-24 - 2:28 p.m.
The nightmare's not over yet.:| The training is still on, and it's one more week to go. It turns out that I still have to do one last pairwork with the same person - and three more (large) groupwork.
It's funny how constant (mental) exhaustion can slowly get you numb. I'm no longer emotionally open. It feels like I'm starting to develop another new personality within me. No, the old, real me still exists. She's just sitting on the backseat more often these days. She's okay, though, just hiding and taking a break from her usual, daily performance. She knows better to show up less.
God, what the hell am I talking about right now?:( I think I'm beginning to lose my head. No, I can't let that happen. No way. I know I'm exhausted, but that's only it. I'm exhausted. It's only (normal) exhaustion. Nothing more than that.
*deep sigh*
Btw, God surely works in mysterious ways.:P Just after I silently complained about my partner in pairwork, it turned out that another trainee had it worse with hers. Soon, most girls secretly talked about the ill-behaviour of The Ex-Diplomat's Daughter.
Actually, that girl is quite an okay person. It's probably from the way she was raised. Obviously, she comes from money (with her dad's old super job and the fact that the family had traveled to several different countries since she was a kid). So, she's so used to getting what she wants (sadly, this part sort of reminds me of my own sister here.:|) She's also too pushy, demanding sometimes. She's dominant and perfectionist, wanting everyone around her to follow her standard of excellence.
But still, I can forgive The Ex-Diplomat's Daughter for that, because she's pretty generous sometimes. The first day we met for the briefing session before the training started, she drove me to Blok M after that in her own car - only so I wouldn't have to get myself squeezed inside a too-crowded bus. We'd just met and she'd already opened up a lot to me. (She talks a lot!) I mean, how many people are like that?
But hey, I had to agree. I have to be objective too. She's too self-indulgent at times. She needs to listen and respect other people's different point of views more, although she may disagree.
Well, I'm still quite optimistic about her.:) She'll grow up. There's still plenty of time.
I guess I've been changing slowly myself.:) Al was right. I really hope it's for the better and continuous too.
Well, I'm still luckier here.:) At least my partner still listens when she's in a good mood, although I silently disagree when she wants understanding from people around her whenever she gets awfully moody to talk to. Maybe that's why she thinks I'm such a cynic when I first told her I'm a realist. I've learned hard enough to know that there are times when the world just doesn't give a damn about how you feel - or if you're tired or moody. They just want your all-out effort and solid result.
Or maybe I just don't get it.*shrugs* I guess that's why I still keep quiet. All I know is that you don't always get what you really want in this world, no matter how badly you've tried. But you always get experiences you might need.
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