2007-11-24 - 9:28 p.m.
I don't know just what else has gotten to me lately.:( I find myself struggling with the same old, familiar problem again:
I am emotionally unstable.
..........................
*deep sigh*
No surprise, huh?*rolls eyes* But still, I'm trying my hardest to work on it, though. I mean, I hate to hear most men say it in their most annoyingly insulting tone: "Women. Typical," plus the obvious snorting and eye-rolling.*scoffs* And I know that most women will suggest me to check on the calendar, in case this might possibly have something to do with what the scientists have claimed as PMS/PMT or whatever.:P
I don't know. Maybe it's true.*shrugs* But even if it really is, I still hate giving into it easily and using it as an excuse to lose control in public for no actual reasons at all. Cursing, screaming, crying, freaking out...you name it.:| I just hate it and myself for it, okay? It's literally like admitting your own weaknesses too openly, and telling the whole world that you're just unable to control yourself --- even as an adult. I have to keep reminding myself that adults are not supposed to lose control like that, let alone in the name of 'hormones'.*rolls eyes*
I guess that's why that --- at similar times like this --- I mostly choose to remain calm and quiet as much as possible. Why? Trust me, it's the only solution to keep people from total confusion about me. The last thing I ever want is to open my mouth and end up saying harsh things to people or even exaggerating mundane issues, which I might possibly regret later. No!:x Sometimes (and just sometimes, though), silence is golden. Agree?*big evil grin*
Besides, I've heard some guys who declare that: "PMS is not an excuse."*rolls eyes* Well, I can prove them that I can beat it too, although not all the time.*scoffs* Lucky for them though. They don't have to go through this like every freaking month.
*sighs*
So, why the hell did I almost lose it last night?:(*blushes* Well, it started from when I went online at seven. I was just talking to Nick, when Mom suddenly texted my cellphone. She told me to return to the restaurant immediately, because the kitchen staff had been hecticly busy and the guests were coming. Nobody stood by at the front desk (where I normally am) and my parents and brother had to visit Gatot's father in hospital. (I still silently wish that Gatot could be as nice as his own family mostly are, unlike the way he really is now.:|)
By the time I was back at the restaurant, I received a scary notification from Menti's note, handed by Mom. Yesterday's cash in the register machine had been...Rp 5,000 less!:O*gasps* How come? It was impossible, because the last time I'd really checked --- nothing like that had happened! But Mom just said nothing and left.
And I'd been silently fighting back my tears --- all night long!:'-( First, I'd lost my break...and now, this...
I could tell the puzzled look in my sister's old high school friend Donnie's face when he noticed my red, almost bloodshot eyes. But no, I didn't feel like telling him anything at all. I'd just smiled weakly as he waved goodbye.
Then, suddenly --- out of the blue --- I opened the safe box and noticed the miracle ( or was it Mom quietly covering my mess, again? I don't know.*shrugs*)
The total amount of money last night was...over Rp 5,000. No kidding. I'd nearly gone hysterical.
Was I just in another freaking Twilight Zone or what?
Anyway, after closing the restaurant at nine, I didn't feel like questioning Mom or Menti about the mysterious extra five grand. Hell, I'd been too exhausted to even care. Yeah, that's right. Why bother? Problem's solved. Case closed.*shrugs*
While waiting for my family's return, I just crept upstairs to The Almost Twins' shared room and straight into bed. I didn't feel like returning to the cybercafe, watching TV or new season of "Heroes" DVDs. Too tired...*yawns hugely*
This morning, Menti didn't say anything about the money. Good. I don't even want to talk about it anymore. I'm still terribly exhausted...*yawns*
It's a good thing that I'll be going out with Hani and crew tomorrow.:)
The Author
