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2007-03-30 - 8:07 p.m.

Alright, I am not going to lie to you.:P There is this one thing that I am afraid will stay true.
I still love Tiger.:(
I know, I know.*rolls eyes* It's not healthy for me. You see, I've really been trying --- more than once, believe me --- to get over him. I wonder just why it's still awfully difficult.
*deep sigh* Who says getting over someone is easy? That must come from an idiot (or a genius??:P) who never feels something this strong. Or maybe I'm just the weak idiot here.:( I used to be so strong. I used to be able to let go.
Then what the hell is wrong with me now?:( Why am I feeling this way all over again? Is this legal? I mean, I admit that this is nothing like what I've ever felt for either Nanda, Joza,...or T.B. (especially with the fact that T.B. never really wanted to let me in from the beginning.)
This is much too strong. I can't get away from this easily. Why? I don't get it. It's so hard to even understand myself anymore. I've tried to reason myself out of it for good and just remain his best friend. (It's the distance.:| Any distance.) We're already way cool with each other, but why do I still find myself wanting more? Is this normal? Am I seriously jeopardizing what's already beautiful? To be honest, I am scared.
Don't worry, I am not that reckless with the situation here.:P I'm still careful enough with...his condition now.:( He still needs some time to heal. I may not always understand everything, but I can truly imagine just how he feels. Don't ask me how, I just know.*shrugs* These days have been hardest on him.
Oh, and Tiger also knows about...my real feelings for him.*looks down, shuffles my foot, and blushes* Yeah, he's always known --- not only from the way I'd blurted out with my typing the other day.:P Sometime long ago, he'd first discovered that himself. Stupid me had been somewhat overly emotional back then, when she first cheated on him and he'd told me all about it.
"If I were her, I'd never want to hurt you like that."
:'-(...
Thankfully, he was never mad at me. (That explains why we're still best buddies!:D) In fact, he'd thanked me over and over. But he's been loving her for so long and hoping too, while I...*deep sigh* It's hard. It's been quite hard on me too, so that's why I often wonder why I am still here --- alive and kicking.*big evil grin* I mean, I really do think about him everytime --- but I still won't let any nonsensical sorrow just ruin my life.*sneers* I know damn well that I must remain collected and survive.
One thing for sure, though: he also knows that I never demand the same from him.:| I still know where I stand. Besides, feelings just can't be compelled.
That's why, I still want to stick around for him, whenever he needs someone to talk to.:) Best friends forever, as promised. If God only allows me that, then fine. I still can take it.
But I am sorry, there'll be no more blessings for her.:( Tiger can be with any other good girl in the world out there --- and I still can take that. But please, God...this time, don't let it be her again.:x No way! Not anymore. She's done enough already, causing him so much pain.
This time, I am not going to give up easily without a fight in love, unless if he's meant for a much better girl than me.:| I am still being realistic, remember?

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