2007-03-20 - 8:12 p.m.
Last night, I listened to "Speak-Out" at seven on 104.2 MS 3 FM --- as usual.:) I got to be The First Caller again.*giggles* I even still teased Patrick about the so-called tea-leaf he'd gotten from Puncak.:P
When I went to The Hub (my favourite cybercafe --- and also the only one available nearby --- in Panglima Polim) at eight, I met my brother's old high-school friend (and former crush too *big evil grin*) Dita Gimbal. We'd sat side by side in our different cubicles. She'd added me to her messenger list.:)
Just when I was updating my journal entry, Tiger came online again.:D OMG! I was sooo happy. We'd talked again for a while, just like old times --- mostly joking back and forth. (Although I'd also felt a little guilty because I was slightly distracted by writing my entry.:P)
"How are you?:) (Man, I've been missing you.:P)"
"I'm missing you too...more than words can say."
"You sound sad."
*deep sigh* How come he could always sense that?:| We weren't using a voice-chat and a web-cam. Amazing.
Of course, I was sad.:( My sunny Sunday had just gone way too soon. His remark had also reminded me of why I've been feeling sad quite much lately:
1.Dad doesn't care about us anymore. He practically lives in his own little world now.:(
2.Mom loves The Bratty Couple more (yup, The Princess Brat and her smartass boyfriend Gatot).*rolls eyes*
3.The Princess Brat just received extra payment from her event organizer "Snowballs" last weekend, but she seems to forget that she still owes me a lot of money.:| However, I also feel that it's already too fucking useless for me to remind her that right off, because --- as usual --- Mom will always defend and protect her precious, darling baby girl, by telling me that she'll repay me instead and asking me to be patient. (Oh, sure thing, Mom.*rolls eyes* As always. Just assume that I don't have much needs like she always does, okay?)
4.A couple of weeks ago, I'd exploded with rage and just...cried.:'-( That's what usually happens after I keep something way too much within.*sighs* I know, it's not healthy for me. (But what can you do when you realise that you're practically on your own, because the real world just has no more room for your stupid complaints?) I called my Uncle Iwan in Surabaya for at least...some mental and moral support. (He's Dad's lifetime best friend since childhood, and already more like my second Dad.:) In fact, I'm more open with him than my own Dad.:| I know it's strange to hear.)
Unfortunately, this time --- I must face the sad fact. Uncle Iwan just calmly told me to understand the whole situation better, including Mom's decisions regarding The Bratty Couple. (Yeah, right.*rolls eyes* Whatever.) He'd even gently asked me to not feel so jealous, because in time --- soon my turn for Mom's special treatments would come.
*scoffs* What?:( I thought that --- of all people in the world these days --- at least he'd get to see my side of story and understand, even just a bit. Well, I guess I was just dead wrong. He thinks I haven't been understanding enough with Mom's motives. That's already pretty damn obvious. Ha! He thinks I'm just tad jealous and insecure (with The Princess Brat?*snorts* Please. Just give me a Goddamned break!:x)
Since Uncle Iwan is a psychic too, I'm sure he can pretty much sense that I'm still awfully disappointed with him.:| Fine. So now, everybody's taking her side and just leaving me all alone to deal with my own issues. I mean, that's the way it often really is, right? The Princess Brat always gets what she wants. Go ahead. I can take it. Old news already, remember? I think I'm getting used to just not being anybody's first priority in their lives. I always have to remain strong and independent. They can just forget that I (still) have (real) feelings too.
"No, I'm not sad.:) I'm just worrying about you, as always."
I'm so sorry, Tiger.:'-(...
I kind of figured that out already that --- once again --- Tiger managed to get along with his girlfriend again.:P Well, I don't even care for too much anymore. I'm just slowly feeling...numb. Close to becoming...frozen, that is.
Well, who says life is always fair?*sneers sarcastically* You don't always get what you want. Just accept it and don't be such a pathetically spoiled brat. Keep fighting!:|
The Owner of A Mysteriously Isolated Castle
