2007-02-10 - 6:59 p.m.
If you're reading my previous entry, you'll see that I've called my life "The Twilight Zone" lately.:| My own, personal Twilight Zone, that is.
Why?
But first of all, have you ever watched "The Twilight Zone" series?:P I have. It used to be my favourite TV show back when I was still a kid (although I also loved "Care Bears" and "Sesame Street".*giggles* Well, what can I say? They say I'm a freak, remember?*shrugs*) I even watched the new version of the series as well, sometime long ago. Eventhough I can't remember each episode correctly and completely, I'm well-aware of the similar thread. The main theme that connects every incident/tale.
Still confused?*big evil grin* Very well. Here we go:
It feels like the whole setting in front of your very eyes are picture-perfect, completely flawless. You can compare that to "The Stepford Wives" (the tale that always reminds me of how much I truly despise the sexist pigs!:x) Still, you happen to feel that there is something wrong with that picture. What is it? Is it far too perfect? Unnatural, somehow? You tell me. All you know, you feel somehow uneasy with the whole situation. You try talking about this to someone else --- someone you even know, perhaps --- but...unfortunately, they just can't see it like you do.:( Or they refuse to. They can tell you that you're only imagining it, because those black holes in that picture-perfect setting aren't really there. They don't exist.
Or, they can just accuse you that you're making that up.:x They say you're crazy and insecure. Nonsensical. Since they all believe that everything is just F-I-N-E fine, it looks like you're the only one with the problem. You're the one who thinks that there's something wrong around here.
In other words, you're on your own.:|
And then, if you're not strong enough, you might start wondering:
"Is it all only in my head?":-S
That's The Twilight Zone for me. The weak voice of minority versus the intimidating majority. It's highly aggravating, but you can't just easily draw your sword and start attacking the demons around you. What demons??:| You can barely tell the difference these days. Or worse, you can --- but your loved ones can't while it's already too damn obvious. It's not like a child screaming in bed, "Mommy, there's a ghost in my window!" and the mother will calmly say, "No, there's no such thing as ghosts, dear." No, it's nothing like that. It's probably more like that two-faced bitch who bullies you constantly in high-school --- only to make her feel better --- but she still remains The Pretty, Admirable and Popular Princess and a good student in everybody's eyes. But when you want to cry for help, their reaction will possibly be similar to something like this: "Really? No way! She's always been so nice...and beautiful too."
Yeah, right.*scoffs* Then what happens to: "Look beyond what you see"? I thought all sensible grown-ups should know that.:x
*deep sigh*
Honestly, I don't think I know my mother anymore.:'-( She's changed gradually since Gatot is around. She's no longer the same person I used to know, love, and truly admire. She's become a total stranger to me, and I just can't understand her anymore --- no matter how hard I've tried and eventhough I want to. This is just really depressing. It hurts me too damn bad, I feel like crying but I'm so fucking tired of wasting my tears anymore.:'-( I mean, she used to be fair and wise. She used to be...sensible.
Unlike these days...:'-(
These days, Mom are often spoiling The Princess Brat as if she's the only daughter she has.:( Anything The Princess Brat wants, she must always gets --- no matter how and what. Mommy Dearest will always try to provide for her. It doesn't matter if they have to keep borrowing more money from Menti or unconsciously sacrificing my already minimum wage.*rolls eyes* As long as The Princess Brat is happy and satisfied, all is just so damn worth it.
Then what about Gatot --- Mom's so-called precious Son-In-Law-To-Be?*scoffs* I wonder why she's been treating him like The Very Last Precious Man On Earth for her darling baby girl (definitely not me, though. He's not my type, and I'd rather shave my head until bald!) It seems that --- lately --- in her eyes, he's this flawless character everyone should admire and make a role model for.*gags* How utterly frustrating can that be? Ugh! She can't see how irresponsible he is, and he's also acting as if he too owns the restaurant and can do whatever the hell he likes. But hey, I guess I'll be (considered) The Nagging, Insecure Bitch here. Fine. No surprise. Too predictable, actually.
Come on, Mom. Don't kid me. I'm not that stupid nor gullible. Nobody's ever really that perfect. He's not some god you should worship --- ever.
*scoffs*
I guess that's why I'm still doubtful about the job in Trans-TV, because Gatot works there too. (My interview will be on Monday at eleven, though.) But they also have openings for Trans-7, Bank Mega, and even Coffee Beans. I don't want to be in the same office as he is.:( Period. But even if I have to, I don't want to be in the same division as he is. (He's in The News, btw, so I'll pick Production or else.) He's already influenced my family at home. I don't want to feel sick just seeing him at work too, in case I get the job.
Enough said.
The Lonely Heroine
