2007-01-05 - 7:30 p.m.
Well, I guess this will be my last entry for a while again.:P I'm seriously running out of cash here. My other 50% salary still isn't out yet.:( But when I get that (and I really hope I'll get that soon enough, though:|), I'll quickly save that in my own bank account. Besides, I don't shop around that much anymore.:P I want to save more money...:|
I know you might probably get bored to death reading my diary entries.*big evil grin* I'm always complaining about money, bitching about real life, bla-bla-bla...*rolls eyes*
*deep sigh*Oh, well. I don't need Gucci bag or even give a damn about Miu Miu skirt (and my gay friend Pumpkin would definitely freak out at my statement and say, "Are you kidding me?! I know lots of girls would go for all those!" Well, I'm not like all-girls.) I don't have to go to a fancy restaurant or wear expensive jewelries.:P I'm not a high-maintenance princess nor a diva.
I just want to regain my sanity these days. I want to wake up everyday without having to worry way too much about my family and push aside my own, personal dreams for that. I want to go back to college again and study, because --- in my country --- if you only have a minor diploma degree, many people still look down on you. (No wonder I still have trouble getting a much better job here.:|) They never look down on my sister. She's holding a degree for an undergraduate program.:P Eventhough she makes mistakes like most normal people do, people always forgive her and still see her as a diva. That's just the awful truth. I mean, I'm always the one labeled as "the freak in the family" and nobody has actually stood up for me. Dad used to tell me that a lot. Mom says so too. My sister loves to remind me that fact, because it'll make her believe that she's much better than me. Whatever.*rolls eyes*
My brother? He's a quiet sweetheart, but I know that he can't really understand me either.:( Well, that's okay. I think I know one fatal weakness of mine:
My inability to make other people --- especially my own family --- understand me. Well, Dad's fear has finally come true.*sneers bitterly* I've grown into a freak, just like he's always believed in.
I want to feel safe.:| I don't want to be afraid. I don't want the evil beasts out there in my already troubled country to see my weaknesses. Fine. So I am a paranoid.
*big evil grin* I've been listening to all Hoobastank albums a lot lately. I love rock music. My spoiled, demanding sister has always complained when I do that (even when I don't turn up the volume way too high like I'd always love to do!) She often wonders if I don't get serious headache from listening to all that stuff.*rolls eyes*
The truth is: she's the one always giving me serious headache!:x Just this afternoon, when Mom called me and I responded a bit late --- that bratty princess told her, "It's no use, Mom.She's not even listening."
"I always listen," I retorted, right after I answered Mom. Unlike you, bitch!
"Then answer."
Bitch, bitch, BITCH!!
Well, that's just me, you pathetic brat!:x I do what I like, just like you. The difference is, I'm still tolerant enough with other people's needs. I still want to care for other people and at least try to understand them. Unlike you! You're spoiled, selfish, and unfortunately lucky. People always love you more. You always get what you want, even without having to try way too hard for that. But still, you're being too ungrateful and demanding.
So, if you don't like what I do or even listen to, then just shut the fuck up and mind your own Goddamned business and leave me alone, you noisy bitch!:x Not every girl you know wants to be just like you. You're not even that perfect anyway. I'd rather shave my head until bald.
Alright, I'll stop writing for now.:P Before I go, want to know something awfully scary?*big evil grin*
Back when I was a teenager, I used to fantasize...about killing her. Was that healthy?
The Dangerous Bitch In Me
