2006-11-20 - 7:09 p.m.
I'm back again.:) Only five days away, and I'm already missing my diaries.*giggles*
I've finally finished my essay and mailed it today.:D YAY! I've also managed to submit my poem to my favourite magazine SPICE! via e-mail attachment yesterday (I mean, who knows? I might get lucky again.) I've also written a flash fiction and another short story. I guess you could say I've been pretty creative last weekend.:)
I'm still adding bits and pieces to my Teenlit novel too.:| I know it's tad slow these days, but at least still going on.:)
Well, I also need to work on another essay about Western Australia.:) I know they say I should still be (registered as) a college student to enter this contest.:| They'll be sending the lucky winners to a short course in Western Australia...for two weeks!:O*gasps*
I want that.:( If they think I'm not qualified enough just because I'm not a college student anymore, then fine. They can ban me as they like.
*deep sigh*
.........................
I was way too tired to go home alone on a bus last night, so I decided to crash in Panglima Polim with The Almost Twins in their shared room. Actually, I wanted to save some money too. My life has been slowly getting more and more difficult lately. Why? I don't know.:(*shrugs* All I know, I've just stopped really going out. I must think more than twice before buying something I really like, whether it's a best-selling novel or a great record from my favourite musician --- or even a simple notebook for my writings. I'm not exactly a crazy-shopper here. I only buy what I need.
But the sad thing is, no matter how hard and how much I've already saved, it's still not enough.:( I just don't have the heart to say no when someone in my family --- like Mom, for example --- needs to borrow my money. I mean, Dad just doesn't do anything else anymore these days. What am I to do? Just work, work, and more work. I'm still worrying about my brother and his expensive private college tuitions. It's already his senior year. I don't want him to get kicked out just because of that. That nice kid doesn't deserve any of that.:|
I can't deny this anymore.:( I'm sorry, but I'm not that strong. My life feels seriously empty here. I'm silently...depressed.
I want next year to be better, God.:| Please. I badly need it. My sister always gets what she wants, including better career and...*coughs* a sweethearted boyfriend. Then, what about me? When will it ever be my turn? Why does every guy I ever really love just have to go away? Why are they always attracted to girls who keep hurting them so much like that?:( You see, I never really mind with them seeing me as their trusted best friend. In fact, I love that.:)
But still, what have I done so wrong?:( Is just being a good girl as much as I can really enough?
*sighs* I don't know.*shrugs* I don't even want to really bother with this way too much. It only hurts me more like hell.:( I must be strong again, like I was before --- way long ago. I can't keep treating myself like this.
Still, if you ask me --- love sucks. I guess it's just much safer for me to be a love cynic...again.*big evil grin* Only for now?? Well, maybe.*shrugs* Hopefully, that is.
These days, I mostly get online only to update my journals/blogs, check my e-mails, browse for more writing contests, submit my writings, and listen to Tiger's mp3's.:| As much as it hurts, I must reduce my chatting sessions even more. What can I say? Money's always the problem.:P Money matters. Whoever says it isn't everything, I'll seriously ask them: "Well, do you think you already have everything --- despite without money?"
If their answer is yes, then I'll just congratulate them.:P But sorry, folks. I live in Jakarta.*scoffs* No money, no honey. I'm being a realist about all this. This ain't no fairy tale.*rolls eyes*
Anyway, I also haven't talked to Tiger again lately.:( Oh, well.*sighs* That's okay, I guess. I must admit that I always miss him when we're not talking, but...*shrugs* let's just face it, shall we?:) He still loves her so. He still thinks she deserves that ONE LAST CHANCE. He believes she'll someday change for him and they'll be together forever...just like a prince charming and his beautiful princess in every happy-ending fairy-tale.:P
Well, good luck for him in trying to change her, I guess.*shrugs* Although, I personally doubt that somebody will ever change for anybody but themselves only. And I'm not merely being a cynic about this.:| Remember, people --- she's cheated on him five times way too many before, until his trust has completely broken and he won't allow her to see any other guys anymore.
But for his sake, I still want to wish him well and for her better changes too. Anything for his happiness, remember?*smiles sadly*
But if she breaks her last promise and his heart again, I'll never forgive her.:x I know my opinion doesn't really count here, but...if it happens again, then there'll be no blessings coming from me. No mercy too.:| I've learned enough to know that even someone as patience as my dearest best friend Tiger has his limits too.
And recently, she has somehow already made him reaching his breaking point.:| No more, God. Please, no more.
Of course, he knows where to reach me whenever he needs a friend to talk to.:) I'm his best friend and soul sister too, remember? I'll be there for him, as much as I can. I love him.
*deep sigh*
Good news for me: my best college friend Putri called to ask me to attend a two-day writing seminar and workshop with her in our good, old University of Indonesia, Depok.:D The date: 22nd - 23rd of this month. The time: from ten until two, daytime of course. The place: Auditorium of PSJ (Pusat Studi Jepang - The Japanese Cultural Studies), in FIB (Fakultas Ilmu Budaya - The Faculty of Cultures).
The tickets: Rp.60,000 - for college students and Rp.90,000 for outsiders.:( Since I'm already an old-time graduate, I'm also considered an outsider. Putri still studies there, though. But luckily, we can still buy one and get one ticket free before the D-Day!:D So, I just let Putri buy for us, and then I'll pay for her half-cash later.
Another good news: the return of Hoobastank for another live concert on January 27, 2007 (next year!!:D)...IN MY HOMETOWN!! I read that in the flyer displayed by Java Musikindo in their branch office in Panglima Polim. They'll be performing in the same place they did before --- Tennis Indoor Senayan, South Jakarta, at sometime around eight at night.
And Putri wants to go too.:D It'll be like old times when she and I did go to see Hoobastank's first concert here before. She's also still crazily attracted to their lead singer Douglas Robb, although she has her own boyfriend now.:P (Okay, I must admit that Doug is a total hunk and sort of my type as well;), but I've fallen in love with his sexy singing voice even more!*giggles*)
And Putri should introduce her new boyfriend to me when we meet.:P I mean, she and I haven't even really talked in years!
Anyway, I've also wanted to save some more money for the concert.:| I know it's still in January, but I want to be well-prepared. If it's expensive, I must find more other ways just to be there. I'm also planning to write a freelance article about that too :P (although I must still find a suitable digital camera I don't even own :|). But most importantly, I haven't had real fun in a long, looong time...and I love these guys!
The Author
