2006-11-09 - 7:10 p.m.
Okay, so I've finally gotten my new ATM Card.:) I'm relieved with that.
The problem? I still haven't come up with an idea for that essay contest about Japan.:( You see, I've never really been that good in writing an essay yet, even when I was still in school. I write fiction better.:P But I'm still on the learning process, though. I love challenges.
Btw, how's Tiger doing?:|
He's fine, I hope.:) He's coping and surviving. I also hope he'll completely heal and get better soon. I want him to be happy again. I don't want him to be in any more pain. Please, God.:( I know YOU always listen to my prayers. Take care of him for me...:'-(
Btw, I'm not surprised when Tiger told me something else about his friend Lisa.:):P She loves him too!!:D Aww, I can imagine exactly how she must feel. If I'd been there when poor Tiger was depressed enough to hurt himself, I'd have cried buckets of tears and helped him in any way I could. That's why she'd seriously taken good care of him. She'd even angrily warned his girlfriend: "I swear to you, if SOMETHING ever happens to him again, I will kill you...just so you know that I love him too!":x
You know, if I'd let my temper win, I'd have said the same thing to her long ago. I believe I was as angry as Lisa was. It's only because we both happen to love the same guy...whom unfortunately we also know we can't have.:'-) So, in a way --- I can truly understand her.
*giggles softly* Tiger said she did sound like me.:):P In fact, he also said Lisa and I might've gotten along as friends if we'd ever met. She's older than him too, and --- just like me --- she understands the whole situation and knows where she stands.
Pretty sad, huh?:'-)
Oh, btw --- his girlfriend was shocked to learn what had happened.:| She'd literally begged him: "Any punishment, baby...anything but this..."
Good.:x That should serve her well! If she ever hurts him like that again, I'll never forgive her. No kidding. I don't care. That should stop her from being overly selfish. I hope, for his sake, she'll just stop being an ungrateful bi---
Alright, alright, I'll shut up now!
.........................
*deep sigh* I don't like making Tiger feel sad.:( God knows I only want him to be happy. He's somehow still feeling rather sad about...Lisa and me. He's feeling guilty that he can never really repay for our unconditional love for him. Well, feelings can't be compelled, remember?:) I keep reminding him that. That's okay. To love someone is everybody's civil right. But to cheat on your loved one or even try stealing someone else's loved one...well, I seriously cannot tolerate both.:x When it comes to betrayal, I don't forgive people easily. I'm sorry, but I just can't. It's a matter of trust. Once it's broken, it's going to be a lot harder only to rebuild that again. What about keeping it, then?
Tiger also believes that soon, Lisa and I will get over him someday. (Will I ever really?:-S I've ben loving him for over two years already. These feelings have somehow run very deep, and I don't know exactly how to handle them right now. I know damn well this isn't really healthy for me, but what else can I do? It's still not easy for me, you know?:|)
Oh, well.*sighs* I'll just leave it up to God, as usual.:)*shrugs* I've been in the same situation before. If I were strong enough to chase and lock these old ghosts back to where they (should) belong, then why can't I be all like that now? I've been fine before, then why I won't be now? Why am I not?
God, if it's true that he's not meant for me (like he believes), then please, please tell me.:( Why is this so hard on me? Why is it so damn hard for me to just really get over him and move on? If YOU believe I'm strong enough for this, then why don't YOU help me? Please, please help me get over these blues. Help me get over him. Give me a sign. Anything. Anything that'll help me get by and hopefully be able to proudly say, "Tiger's only my best friend and soul brother, but I still care about him anyway!" with a genuine smile on my face.:) Anything that can possibly make me attend his wedding sometime in the future without jealousy, heartaches, nor sadness --- because I only want to see him happy, as always. That's all. Like Eowyn to Aragorn in "LOTR", or Chloe Sullivan to Clark Kent in "Smallville", or even Rachel to Farel in "Heart" (a local movie I still don't dare watch.:P) Anything for his happiness, remember?:) Anything for his happiness, and by God I mean it. He deserves all the happiness in the world, because he's a real sweetheart.
And if she really is meant for him (also, like he believes), then I hope she seriously means it this time --- that she'll never hurt him again like she already has many times before.:| For his sake, God. Only for his sake. YOU know I love him this much, and this much is true. YOU know I'm still sensible enough to let him go, in case I really should...
I must get by. Maybe not right now, but I will...someday, somehow. I must be okay, although probably still not today.
I'm doing the right thing, aren't I?*smiles sadly* I'm just doing what every true best friend would and should. Even with one, slow and heavy step after another...
May God give me strength.:| I badly need it these days...
The Author
