2006-09-10 - 7:06 p.m.
How do we deal with endless streams of questions that seem to carry on and on in our lives? If we somehow (at least can) find the answers, do they just stop right there? Will we ever be really satisfied and quit wondering, accepting things as they are --- or seem to be?
I don't know, maybe I'm just very critical at a lot of things at times, especially more about myself.:| I've just realised that again, perhaps all of us are growing up with questions --- more questions than our capacity to answer (or at least find the answers). Some of us are even going over the same old questions over and over again, eventhough they already have the answers. Perhaps they're still not that satisfied with the answers yet. Or perhaps, those aren't exactly the answers they're looking for --- or what they really need or even want to hear.*shrugs*
Right or wrong? It depends. I mean, who knows? It's all relative. You can't always be the judge to decide. But still, you're (supposed to be) responsible for the consequences of your decisions, whether you like it or not. Well, that's just life, I guess. It's full of challenges and uncertainties. Take it or leave it. A gamble. "Tails I Live, Heads You Die".
I find myself still surrounded with questions as I live, seeing them dance wildly around me with my mind's eye --- like the wild butterflies that sometimes roam inside my stomach:
Have I really been good enough? Am I good enough? Why have I allowed Dad to make me feel like such a freak? Have I given Mom too much headache already, knowing I'm a rebel who can't be more like my sister --- so she'd be proud of me more? Why do most guys like my sister more? Is there always a price for just being yourself? Will my writings be published someday and appreciated more? Will I become an author in my future? Will I get another more challenging job and bigger salary, so I can help my family's financial situations more?
Will I ever be really safe, in a world so dangerous and cruelly judgemental about differences? Will I ever find love again and not have to lose it anymore like I did before?
More, more, more. The list could possibly go on and on forever. Will they ever stop?
*deep sigh* I don't know. There are times when I need to dodge these questions --- all questions --- to help myself relax...:|
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